Choosing Joy...

Church people or Kingdom people

2012-01-21T12:32:00.000-08:00

From Announcing the Kingdom of God: The Story of God's Mission in the Bible- Arthur F. Glasser

"The church gets in trouble whenever it thinks it is in the church business rather than the Kingdom business. IN the church business, people are concerned with church activities, religious behavior and spiritual things. In the Kingdom business, people are concerned with Kingdom activities, all human behavior and everything God has made, visible and invisible. Kingdom people see human affairs as saturated with spiritual meaning and Kingdom significance. Kingdom people seek first the Kingdom of Go d and its justice; church people often put church work above concerns of justice, mercy and truth. Church people think about how to get people into the church; Kingdom people think about hot to get the church into the world. CHurch people worry that the world might change the church; Kingdom people work to see the church change the world....If the church has one great need, it is this: To be set free for the Kingdom of God, to be liberated from itself as it has become in order to be itself as God intends. The church must be freed to participate fully in the economy of God. (1983:11) - Howard A. Snyder

Grateful to work at a church that values Kingdom work and Kingdom collaboration. I believe that more time we spend focusing on the Kingdom, the more people will see the beauty of the Gospel message that is being offered.

What type are you? A church person or a Kingdom person?

2011 in Review

2012-01-09T15:20:00.001-08:00

I saw this and thought it was a good way to recap this past year. Enjoy.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
I became the missional life pastor at my church after serving 10 years in youth ministry, and I started grad school.

2.Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I’ve never been big on resolutions...it’s this weird thing for me that they just provide ways to fail...with that being said I know that I wanted to do better at bringing a sense of balance to my life and I feel like that happened. This year is all about responsibility and getting things in order ie: Health, Finances, School...

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Of course. I feel like I’m in a perpetual season where friends and family members keep having babies and I love it. Looking forward to April of this year when I will become an aunt for the first time!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Tessa. She was a former student in the youth ministry that I was a part of in Indianapolis. She was killed in a car accident. She lived the heck out of her short years here on earth. Filled with spunkiness, joy, and a lot of weird. :o)

5. What countries did you visit?
Dubai, Kenya, Uganda, Ireland, Italy

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
No migraines :o).

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 5. Tessa was killed in a car accident.
May 22. Joplin was hit by an F5 tornado. So many friends and loved ones are there...remember watching the news footage and weeping.
November 15. Made a good but really hard decision.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting accepted to Fuller’s MAGL program.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Being able to live with a dog...I just couldn’t do it.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Migraines are a constant part of my life. I was also in my 5th car accident this year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
iPad...still don’t know all the goodness that it offers, but it’s fun :o)

12. Where did most of your money go?
Getting out of debt!

13. What did you get really excited about?
My trip to Italy with my friend Catherine. It had been awhile since I had traveled out of the country for vacation and fun!

14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
LMFAO: Party Rock Anthem

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? Happier in some ways. Feeling like I’m getting to know myself better and better. – thinner or fatter? Same.  – richer or poorer? Richer.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spent more time in Laguna. My favorite park is there.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Checking email and being on the internet.

18. How did you spend Christmas?
Stayed in California and got adopted by a few families. Morning with friends Mike and Lindsay, afternoon with Lindsay’s parents, and dinner/games with Mike and Allison.

19. What was your favorite TV program?
Happy Endings, New Girl, Parks and Recreation

20. What were your favorite books of the year?
Hunger Games (series) , Little Bee, Incendiary, Girl with The Dragon Tattoo (series), The Help

21. What was your favorite music from this year?
Adele, Regina Spektor, Florence and the Machine, Mumford and Sons

22. What were your favorite films of the year?
The Help

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 29. I celebrated at Alondra’s Hot Wings with old small group friends and Fuego with my Monday Night crew.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Making a hard decision a lot sooner than I actually made it. It never got easier and I could have saved some heartache.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Dressy Casual.

26. What kept you sane?
Monday Nights with my friends.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
It is okay to fight to be happy and worth it to do what is necessary to make happiness a reality.

ADVENT

2011-12-24T10:34:00.000-08:00

I have been so grateful for the season of Advent this year. In years past I have raced straight through to Christmas in anticipation of family and gifts and holiday parties, but this year has been different. This year, a lot has changed in a short amount of time and while I know it is all for the best, and while I know that I am in a good place, this year I have needed the season of Advent.

I needed to be reminded that it is okay to not be filled with cheer. I needed to be reminded that there is space to acknowledge that all things are not okay and that some things are simply hard. I love that the season of Advent speaks of the hope that comes at Christmas. It speaks of the hope that is found in God coming close, but acknowledges that the baby isn't here yet. That's how I have felt in this season, that hope is on the way, but the present day reality still remains hard.

So, in these past few weeks of Advent I have quieted myself. I have reflected. I have grieved. I have sat in the awe and wonder of how great my God is and now, today, as my church gathers together to celebrate Emmanuel, God With Us, I am ready to leave advent behind.

I am ready to embrace the promise of Christmas. The promise that one day all will be made right. The promise that we do not grieve at what is broken like those who have no hope, but as those who embrace His promises. I believe that Christmas communicates in such a profound way that God knows. He cares. and He loves so deeply that He couldn't stay away from our brokenness. He doesn't leave us in Advent. He comes. The following is from Psalm 10 (MSG)...

14 But you know all about it—
the contempt, the abuse.
I dare to believe that the luckless
will get lucky someday in you.
You won't let them down:
orphans won't be orphans forever.

15-16 Break the wicked right arms,
break all the evil left arms.
Search and destroy
every sign of crime.
God's grace and order wins;
godlessness loses.

17-18 The victim's faint pulse picks up;
the hearts of the hopeless pump red blood
as you put your ear to their lips.
Orphans get parents,
the homeless get homes.
The reign of terror is over,
the rule of the gang lords is ended.

Merry Christmas! May you celebrate Emmanuel, and may you know hope and peace and joy in this season.

Slideshow of my recent trip to Dubai/Uganda/Kenya

2011-04-06T15:17:00.000-07:00

My Life in the Box

2011-01-19T21:51:00.000-08:00

Jury Duty. I had always dreaded receiving the summons that would ask me to potentially put my life on hold. Luckily in 10 years of being eligible, this January I only received my second summons. I called in every night and almost made it through the week without having to report. Until Thursday night. The impersonal recording told me that on my one day off, I would have to report to the court by 7:45am.

I get there. I sit. I wait. I read. Three hours later and I am called to report to department L. Courtroom of Judge Lord (not kidding). I was juror #13, just outside of the box, when the juror selection began. I had always been under the impression that they wouldn't want a pastor in the box due to perceived biases. I was wrong. However, as luck would have it, I thought I had found my way out. I knew one of the witnesses. SURELY I would be dismissed. The defense tried to get me out. The Judge insisted that I stay. I didn't know the witness all that well so I would be fine.

Truthfully...I'm glad I got to stay. There were so many perks to being an impaneled juror:

1. Free parking
2. Got to enter through the employee entrance
3. We got a special yellow badge. Not like the generic badge that everyone gets, but a special one for the "real" jurors.
4. Didn't have to report until 9:30am, had plenty of recesses, an hour and a half for lunch and dismissed around 3pm...it was like vacation.
5. I got paid. $15/day PLUS mileage!

Honestly, it was fun. The defendant was charged with battery and resisting arrest. We found him not guilty on both accounts. The deliberation only took around an hour. We had to talk a couple jurors into the not guilty verdict for the first account but it didn't take much since what they were focusing on wasn't pertinent to the charge. We heard horror stories of people who were on juries that ended up without a verdict because despite all evidence pointing one way they couldn't convict him because he looked like their nephew and their nephew would never do something like that. Oy.

After the verdict was handed out it got a bit looney. The judge informed us that we could talk about the case with anyone and everyone. The jurors took that to heart. Some of them went up to the defendant asking if he was nervous. They wanted to know what he thought was going to happen. They gave high-fives. One of the older women told him to keep his fists down because violence was never the answer.

WHAT!?!? When did we become best friends with this guy. No offense, but I was called in to look at the facts, not hear about your plans to marry the mother of your child. I bypassed the high-fives and headed out of the courtroom.

I was happy to do my civic duty. Grateful it lasted only 3 days. This is juror #7 signing off.

Moving Forward

2011-01-05T13:09:00.000-08:00

2011 is quickly turning itself into the year of moving forward.

To me there is a large distinction between moving on and moving forward. Moving on indicates leaving what has been, forgetting, wiping the slate clean, whereas moving forward is more about appreciating what has been and building upon it going forward.

Recently my "second dad" got remarried. His wife passed away two years ago this coming February. He isn't moving on...he can't. Memories of Julie will always be there but he is choosing to move forward with Therese and her kids. Taking what has been and building on it to create what will be. Moving forward.

I am moving forward as well. In just over a month I will have new responsibilities in my job at Parkcrest, a new office, and a new place to live (across town). I will pack my belongings into boxes and move for the 7th time in 5 years. I will move my stuff into the third office since graduation and I will transition out of a job/ministry that I have worked in for the past 10 years.

I'm excited. I'm nervous. At times, honestly, I am overwhelmed. But one thing I am certain of...I am not moving on. I am grateful for the experiences and challenges that have brought me to this new place and they will not be forgotten. Instead, I move forward. I press in again to discover more of what God has for me in this season of new beginnings.

Happy 2011 everyone. Here's to moving forward.

Book Recommendation

2010-08-22T21:25:00.000-07:00

Despite the full summer schedule, I have managed to do plenty of reading these past few months.

One book that has been sticking with me is LITTLE BEE by Chris Cleave.

It is a story about a Nigerian refugee girl living in the UK. It is incredibly well written and gives insight into cultural differences and how much work needs to be done in order to communicate a simple idea when words and thoughts do not have shared meaning. I recommend it to anyone doing any type of mission work, anyone wanting a good read, or anyone wanting to be challenged to see the world through another set of eyes.

Warning: It gets pretty heavy in parts so if you're in a particularly hard place right now...maybe not the best time to read it.

Following is one of my favorite excerpts from the book:

"...and I ask you right here to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.

In a few breaths' time I will speak some sad words to you. But you must hear them the same way we have agreed to see scars now. Sad words are just another beauty. A sad story means, this storyteller is alive. That next thing you know, something fine will happen to her, something marvelous, and then she will turn around and smile."

So, make some time, get this book, and start reading. And may we all begin to see our scars, our hurts, our sad words in a different light. May they remind us that we are still alive. And that, in and of itself, is worthy of celebrating.

Creating Space

2010-08-17T22:42:00.001-07:00

To say its been awhile since my last post would be an understatement. Truth is I haven't had the space or the capacity to write until now. It wasn't until I read an excerpt from Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist that I even remembered that I enjoy writing. So to have gone so long without doing so means there is something wrong.

I am coming off of 3 incredibly full months of travel and activity. That was proceeded by another full 4-5 months which was proceeded by a busy 2 1/2 years. There is a theme in my life: Never Stopping.

I have heard loved ones say countless times through the years that they are worried for me and rightfully so, this habit of never stopping has led to more ER visits than I would like to mention. Why haven't I learned the lesson of slowing, resting, breathing...?

Here are some excerpts from Bittersweet that help capture my thoughts...

"I love the idea of that way of living (going from one thing to the next), so I sign myself up for it every chance I get. And then I realize in the moment that it isn't what I wanted at all. After a while, I'm frantic and tired and not really listening when people are talking. I'm frazzled and frustrated..."

"I've been around this block a thousand times. I'm ravenous, and life looks to me so sparkly and beautiful, waiting to be devoured like a perfect apple. So I say yes, yes to everything, to that meal and that event and that trip and that person. It's so delicious, and I don't want to miss out on even one moment of it. And that's the point: I miss all sorts of sacred and significant moments, because of my frantic insistence that I can do it all, and that I don't have to miss anything. I run from ting to thing, and then I fall into bed at night without even the space to think about the day. I wake up again to start it all over: more people, more food, more play, more ideas, more books. I'm ravenous, and somewhere along the way what started as a clean and lovely lust for life crosses over into a cycle of frantic activity, without soul or connection. I'm surprised every time. Hod did I get here again? Don't I know better than this?"

This is me. I have such a hunger for life and people and experiences and I am fully aware that I run my body down to the point of exhaustion, but I'm opening myself to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, there is weakness is my constant need to do more. That more is not always better. That in all of my doing I'm really missing out on what is most important.

And I know that the work that I am doing is important, and maybe that's part of the battle. It's good to take students on mission trips to broaden their worldview and see that not everyone lives like they do. It's good to introduce students interested in ministry to Bible Colleges around the country. It's good to speak to thousands of teens about the cost of Godliness. It's good to provide connection points for students to build community....It's all good. Just maybe not all at once. In a span of 2 1/2 months. When it leaves me feeling so completely drained and exhausted.

Back to Bittersweet...

"I don't know the way through to the other side on this one, but I do know that I don't want to be ruled by ravenous anymore, and that full life is not the same as a full calendar. Full life is lived when the whole system works together, when rest and home and peace live hand in hand with taste and sparkle and go. I've believed in the craziness for too many years, and while I still have a lot of questions, the answer I need to giving most often these days is NO.

So I'm learning to say No...Again. I said no to dance class tonight and made time for a much needed phone conversation. I said no to hanging out at a student's surprise party tonight and to helping out at check-in at our Kidzone activity tonight so that instead I could come home and write. and cry, and intentionally create space by booking a hotel this weekend to get away. by myself. So that hopefully I can begin to rest and experience peace and take time to savor all that has happened this summer and all that the Lord let me be a part of before a new season begins. A new season that will hopefully be filled with a lot more No's and a lot more grace.

2009-10-28T19:47:00.000-07:00

***This is my new favorite when it comes to fair trade. I personally own Punjammies and absolutely LOVE THEM!!! The light weight fabric can be a bit see through with the lighter colors but they come packaged in beautiful bags and are perfect gifts for the ladies in your life!***

The Story of PUNJAMMIES™

Each PUNJAMMIE™ is created in an after-care facility for women who have been rescued, released or escaped from a life of forced prostitution. Their lives have been marked by a message – you are a commodity – to be used for other’s gain.

Whether sold by her own family, trafficked from another country or driven by desperation, she was a slave to this life. Each story is as unique as each girl.

When one manages to escaped from this life of horror, she has few options where to turn. Aside from the emotional and psychological trauma, women formerly working as prostitutes cannot easily enter schools, return to family systems or secure jobs to support themselves in India. A high quality after-care center is one of the best options a woman has at rebuilding her life.

Holistic aftercare involves quality medical care, emotional safety, education and the tools to create a new way of life for herself.

Empowering each woman with an opportunity to learn a marketable skill and become a part of a viable business is the purpose of PUNJAMMIES™. In providing for her basic need to support herself, she sees that she has value far beyond what the lies have told her. She begins to see her rightful place of value – a princess.

Every PUNJAMMIE™ purchase creates
A fair trade wage
Deposit into a savings account
Financial support for holistic care
Capacity building for more women to enter the after-care center

Every PUNJAMMIE™ tells the story of a girl who was once voiceless. You can be a part of rebuilding lives shattered by modern-day slavery.

Wear PUNJAMMIES™. Wear hope

For more information about International Princess™ Project, visit our website at www.intlprincess.org.

Tis the Season

2009-10-24T12:55:00.001-07:00

Last year I made a change in how I did my Christmas shopping. All of my gifts were fair trade meaning that the artist/worker earned a fair wage for their work and in the majority of the cases my purchase was helping to sustain a living for people in some of the poorest conditions in our world.

A story came with each gift that I gave. There was meaning and a knowledge that people were benefitting from my gift-giving. I loved it and love the concept so much that I thought I would share with you all some websites that are doing cool things along these lines.

Today I am highlighting SUUBI! http://www.suubiafrica.org. SUUBI means hope and they are working with women in Uganda to make and sell the paper bead necklaces. These make for a beautiful and unique gift. What I am loving about SUUBI is that they are going the extra mile...Not only do the women in Uganda desperately need help but in their blessings they have decided to bless others. So right now they are running the Pink Campaign and $4 from every necklace sold is donated to the American Breast Cancer Research Foundation.

I wrote about hesed love a while back. The love that is expressed when someone does for another what they have no right to expect or even ask for someone to do for them. SUUBI is an expression of Hesed. They have blessed the women of Uganda by giving them a market to sell their goods and a platform to share their story. Ugandan women have been shown hesed and now are turning around and showing it to women here in America by donating some of their profits.

There are so many organizations out there that are raising the bar and expressing hesed! Decide to give gifts with meaning this year and enjoy telling the stories!

Kids Say The Darndest Things

2009-10-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

I don't have kids of my own but I am not without children...my HS students kill me on a regular basis with the things that come out of their mouths...here are some nuggets from today:

1. I picked up some girls from school today and one was being extremely quiet in the back. This was her response when I asked her why: "I'm just thinking about eating my candy bar when I get to your office because I don't want to poop in your car."

2. One of the girls wanted to make sure that I knew the following: (I received this via text) "Okay...you do not look like a dog, or a fish, and I am NOT going to kill you." To be fair this was quite a relief since she informed everyone that she was going to kill me so she could have my job:o)

3. "I decided to take the suspenders and bow tie off for group time...wanted to be more casual." -senior guy.

4. "What would you do if you woke up in the middle of the night and I was in your room dressed up like Pocahontas writing a poem about you?"

Yep. They keep me on my toes...and keep me laughing, A LOT!

WE DID IT!

2009-10-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

There were 50 of us who joined together today under the team name of Jesus Freaks! to walk 10k through the streets of West Hollywood in hopes of raising awareness and funds that will hopefully quicken a cure to end this horrible disease.

Highlights:
1. The students and adults raised $1400 for APLA!

2. At one point half our group was waiting for us to catch up and were sitting down. Some asked if they were protesting the AIDSwalk since they weren't walking...my students responded...NO! Of course not. AIDS is our problem we are walking to support the cause! (Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE my students?!?!)

3. I can't move. Seriously, I am hurting. But I did it...with a smile.

Here are some pics from the day:

AIDS WALK Los Angeles

2009-10-17T13:00:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I will walk with thousands of others to raise money and awareness in hopes of finding a cure and bringing an end to the awfulness that is AIDS.

I had never heard of AIDS Walk before a sophomore student of mine let me know that he thought it would be a good idea for our HS ministry to participate in. He has signed up our team under Jesus Freaks and took on the responsibility of promoting the event amongst his peers. There will be a group of about 50 of us going from my church to walk 6.4 miles tomorrow.

6.4 miles. This coming from a girl who passes out in gym class, who throws up on a bike ride, and thinks exercise might possibly be a scheme of Satan (ok, maybe I wouldn't go that far)...but regardless...I do not like to exercise. I do not like to walk or run or lift weights.

But tomorrow I will willingly lace up my nike tennis shoes and walk 6.4 miles because the cause and purpose of the walking is greater than my dislike of the activity.

Unfortunately there are many who have made AIDS a gay issue. My experience tells me otherwise. I have held a sweet girl named Juliana who died of AIDS at 1 1/2 years of age. I danced and sang with Mommy Joy and Kavina and Esther and they are living with AIDS. None of these individuals are gay. AIDS is bigger than all of us. It is all of our issue. There are thousands who are orphaned every year because their parents have fell victim to this disease. So I walk tomorrow for my friends, for those I have loved and lost. I walk in hopes that someday they will discover a cure.

AIDS isn't a gay issue. Its my issue. And because of that...I will walk. Each and every mile.

Church Gone Wrong: The Church is Homophobic

2009-10-08T16:35:00.000-07:00

I am in the middle of a series right now with my HS students called Church Gone Wrong: hear us out before you write us off. We are looking at common misconceptions that the outside world has about the church and as a result are causing them to stay away from church.

We've talked about the church being judgmental and arrogant for claiming to be the only way. We talked about our need to take a humble approach and communicate love with our actions. This weekend we are looking at the claim that the church is homophobic and I have to say...I'm nervous about it.

This has become such an emotionally charged topic in our culture and has become a "highlighted" sin in our church. While I believe that homosexuality is wrong I do think that we have failed in the church in the way we communicate this message.

I think the thing I struggle with the most is how it seems as though we treat this sin differently than the others. So often the message is come to Jesus with your mess and your brokenness and he will make you clean. It is the process of sanctification. We sing songs about coming as you are. And yet...with homosexuals we hesitate to let them in the church, we communicate that they need to give up their sin before they can be welcomed. We treat them as so 'other' that somehow it is okay to condemn and reject because they don't belong.

I struggle with this. I struggle with why it seems that God has placed restrictions on practicing this kind of lifestyle. I have close gay friends that I love and respect very much. However, I think there is a way to stand for my convictions and hold onto love at the same time. One out of five HS students question their sexuality. If they feel as though they are rejected by the church from the start, then where are these kids going to go with their questions and their issues? We need to work at providing a safe place for people to ask their tough questions.

I don’t think Jesus wants this label on His Bride. I think He wants us to love our way out of that label. I think we can. I think we can turn this thing around and instead of being known as homophobic we can be known as a welcoming and loving community that communicates truth in love.

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

2009-10-07T19:23:00.000-07:00

I just finished Donald Miller's new book this week. In my opinion it is his best one to date. I heard him speak on the book tour in Hollywood last week and was all the more excited about reading this story about story. One of the main premises of the book is that the same elements that make up a good story, one worthy of being told in the movie realm, are the same elements that make up a good life.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:
"Not living a better story would be like deciding to die, deciding to walk around numb until you die, and it's not natural to want to die."

"the stories we tell ourselves are very different from the stories we tell the world."

My Favorite: "A God storyteller speaks something into nothing. Where there is an absence of story, or perhaps a bad story, a God storyteller walks in and changes reality. He doesn't critique the existing story, or lament about his boredom, like a critic. He just tells something different and invites other people into the new story he is telling."

I want to tell good stories with my life. I want to be a part of the rewriting process in the stories of the broken and the hurting that surround me. Where death and despair have been spoken I want to speak life and love and wholeness. I want to tell different stories and bring healing to the brokenness. I want to help the girl in the brothel to tell a new story. I want the orphans in Uganda to have a story that includes family and the water deprived nations to tell stories of wells overflowing.

I want to call my students and myself to a bigger story. A story that is bigger than any of us. A story that requires the very power of God to show up in order to make it happen.

Here are some of the stories that we are helping to rewrite as a High School Student Ministry:
1. The students at McKinley Elementary School who are at an economic disadvantage will be receiving coats this weekend.
2. Hundreds of struggling families will receive bags of food during the holidays.
3. Our neighbors in Tijuana will be given more funding to provide clean water and more food to feed their community.

I am blessed to be in a community of people that desire to live big stories. My heart seems to be a little A.D.D. these days in trying to figure out what area of the world or what issue to focus on. My heart is moved and stirred by so many things and it is my natural desire to want to be a part of it all. So, while in the process of allowing my story to be continuously rewritten I will commit myself to speaking something into nothing where I am. I commit myself to a bigger story...whatever that may be.

Green Cards, Authors, and Mini-Cations

2009-09-29T22:08:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: While it will appear that my life is all kinds of crazy and that there has been no slowing down of any kind as of late...appearances are deceptive. The reality is that I am still saying NO on a fairly regular basis and while life is plenty full, it is neither hectic nor is it stressful.

1. As of three weeks ago I became the College Pastor in addition to doing HS ministry at the church. This was the plan from the beginning and the church was gracious to give me a year to get HS in a good place...so this Fall it was time to bring back something for the college age students at the church for the first time in 5 years. My hope was that 20 students would show up and for the past two weeks we are averaging a group of 40. There is a lot of energy and so far we are having a blast.

2. The Green Card Project launched this weekend at the church. It is a result of challenges being accepted by our HS students this summer at camp. 35 students are taking significant steps in recognizing their power and influence as Kingdom Workers today and they are receiving the support of their Church. Students are committed to feeding 1000 families holiday dinner this year, feeding their teachers breakfast 1x/month, building a playground in the community, running a marathon...and now the students are getting "adopted" by adult small groups that are coming alongside to encourage them and support them financially. I can't express how excited I am about how this. It is hard in youth ministry for the students to feel support from the adults; we can plug them in to serve the "Big Church" but it is rare to see the service as a two-way street. I am thrilled that my church family is stepping up to show these students that they matter and their dreams are important to them. I can't wait to see what Long Beach and Lakewood will look like at the end of the year as a result of our student's efforts.

3. We have started Life Hurts God Heals again at the church. This year there will be two sessions. This first round is connecting with the community and we are getting some "rough" students. It's going to be an intense round but I believe in this program and have seen first hand how lives have been changed so I am believing for these students who are too hurt and broken to believe it for themselves just yet.

4. Proof of my taking it easy...I went on a Mini-Cation to Santa Barbara. It was a couple of days away with good friends and the good food and conversations were plenty. Beautiful scenery and a good reminder that in just a couple of hours I can truly get-away and relax.

5. Further proof of my taking it easy...I have been reading a lot lately. I have enjoyed reading Blue Parakeet by Scot McKnight, The Gospel of Ruth by Carolyn Custis James amongst others and am looking forward to the 5 that I just downloaded onto my kindle today, including Donald Miller's Latest; A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.
I got to meet Scot when he spoke at Parkcrest this weekend. His book is all about reading the Bible as story and some of my students are ready the book in preparation of them teaching on the Minor Prophets in May. Looking forward to breaking the book down for the HS students. We took Scot to dinner and had some great conversation. As a result...I now call him Scotty. Seriously, we go way back. Just check out his blog. He totally name dropped my name.
Last night I got free tickets to go to Donald Miller's book tour in Hollywood promoting his new book. Great words and good thoughts. Can't wait to ready about Story in his new book.
I get to sit down with Carolyn, author of The Gospel of Ruth, in a couple of weeks. She has some great words about hesed love and help mate and women as image bearers. Will write more about that later.

6. I'm speaking Friday night at our women's conference about Women Rockin Their World. Excited about sharing with my sisters about our call to show hesed love and to use our influence and gathering abilities for greater purposes.

So, as you can see the fullness remains but the resting continues. I am breathing and enjoying the life that I get to live right now and the ministry that I get to be a part of. Many days it is all that I can do to hold on and run with it. "It" being an indescribable movement of the Spirit, a contagious energy within the students, an excitement knowing that God is truly doing more than I could ask for or even imagine.

The Break-In

2009-09-04T09:45:00.001-07:00

I have been living in my lovely new apartment for about three weeks now. I love everything about it. The place has a lot of room and a ton of windows. And thus the story begins.

We don't have air. We are in the middle of a ridiculous heat wave. We leave our windows open. Most of the screens are locked, some of the windows have stoppers that only allow the window to open a few inches...but then there is the sliding kitchen window. It is at least 6 feet off the ground and we left it open Sunday night when we went to bed.

The next morning my roommate asked me if I had seen her computer which caused me to ask if she had seen mine. Answer to both questions: No. Looking around downstairs we noticed that the kitchen window was open with no screen.

The robber was smooth. Didn't disrupt anything. Didn't leave fingerprints. Just wanted the computers...thankfully!

Of course it is alarming to think that a stranger was in your home while you were sleeping, but I was actually more disturbed when my car was broken into the first time. That individual spent some time in my car...looked through my stuff. The second time the car was broken into they just smashed the window and took what they wanted...so in all fairness, the third time something like this happens it kind of loses its excitement. Like the boy who cried wolf. Except there has been an wolf every time in my story...but you get the idea.

I love my friend's responses to this latest episode. A lot of 'you've got to be kidding me...well actually I would expect this to happen to you,' 'could you just live one week normally where nothing crazy happens to you?,' 'Drama. Drama. Drama. Its always happening to you.'

It does seem like random things happen to me a lot. I didn't tell my roommate this about me before we decided to live together...so I guess by default she has been signed up for this crazy ride which is my life.

**I had renter's insurance so luckily it will only cost me a few hundred to replace my computer. And although it stinks that is was a brand new mac with the beautiful aluminum cover, only having it for a few months meant that not a lot of info was taken/lost.**

Drops Like Stars

2009-08-20T11:18:00.000-07:00

I just finished Rob Bell's new book: Drops Like Stars. It is a beautifully done book that would be perfect for any coffee table. The pictures are gorgeous and the message is simple and encouraging.

Its a book about suffering and creativity. It seems to communicate that through the act of creating we can understand much about the purpose of suffering. Maybe one of my favorite parts is that it never says that all the junk/crap/hurt will work out for the good, the end. Don't get me wrong. I believe and trust in that promise. However, in the middle of the muck and mire...it is not what I want or need to hear.

What I sometimes need to do is simply scream. I need to emote all of the feelings inside and I loved that one way the book seeks to explain the incarnation was to simply say that it was God coming into the world and screaming alongside us.

GOD SCREAMS.

I love that picture. I love that I have a God who matches and indeed surpasses my emotion. I love that I have a God who doesn't sit back and look at all of the injustices of the world and say in a calm voice...It will get better (although it will and HE knows that) but instead He screams right alongside us and His screams are louder and filled with more love and sorrow than I could hope to understand.

I need an emotional God. I need a God who isn't okay/complacent/apathetic to the hurt in my life and the hurt that surrounds me. I am blessed to know that my God screams...

These are some words about how one artist(sculptor) views the world through her work as written in the book...enjoy.

"But no matter how much the mess and distortion make you want to despair, you can't abandon the work because you're chained to the bloody thing, it's absolutely woven into your soul and you know you can never rest until you've brought truth out of all the distortion and beauty out of all the mess- but it's agony, agony, agony - while simultaneously being the most wonderful and rewarding experience in the world - and that's the creative process which so few people understand.

It involves an indestructible sort of fidelity, an insane sort of hope, and indescribable sort of...well, it's love, isn't it? There's no other word for it...And don't throw Mozart at me...I know he claimed his creative process was no more than a form of automatic writing, but the truth was he sweated and slaved and died young giving birth to all that music. He poured himself out and suffered. That's the way it it. That's creation...You can't create without waste and mess and sheer undiluted slog. You can't create without pain. It's all part of the process. It's in the nature of things.

So in the end every major disaster, every tiny error, every wrong turning, every fragment of discarded clay, al the blood, sweat and tears - everything has meaning. I give it meaning. I reuse, reshape, recast all that goes wrong so that in the end nothing is wasted and nothing is without significance and nothing ceases to be precious to me."

I especially appreciate the last paragraph...I have a God who gives meaning to my pain. Who reuses and reshapes the wrong and the hard and the bad and in all of that nothing is wasted. In fact...all of it, even the mess, is in the end viewed as being precious.

So Much is Happening

2009-08-16T22:12:00.000-07:00

Here are some brief mini-updates on what has been happening in my life these past couple of weeks...

1. Yes, I am finally better! It feels a little strange to have energy again after being without it for a month but I am loving it. Trying to find a healthy balance of enjoying being well and not overdoing it. Thanks for all of the prayers and concern, the phone calls and get well cards. I am blessed by the community God has given me!

2. My sister's wedding was fabulous. Her desire to have a "Green" Wedding, one that would have the least impact on our world in a negative sense, was a lot of extra work, but in the end it was what she and her husband wanted and they were thrilled. It was great to be around family and to be my sister's maid of honor. She wanted everything in the wedding to be second hand, including her wedding dress. The dress was made from 45 used white t-shirts donated by the family members...it looked awesome. We had a great morning the day of the wedding playing games in the park and enjoying a pot-luck lunch and then coming back in the evening for the ceremony. We were up til 2am cleaning everything up and I had to be up at 4am to catch my flight, but it was all worth it.

3. I had to fly out early enough to be back in time for Sunday services. It was so good to be back with my students (only the 3rd Sunday of the summer that I had been there due to travels and sickness) and August 9th was a day that I couldn't miss in the life of our church. All three campuses gathered at the beach that afternoon for beach baptisms. A number of my students were baptized, students were baptizing their parents, people were coming in their street clothes and by the end of the day over 185 people had publicly declared their decision to follow Christ by being baptized! It was overwhelming (and continues to be) to have been blessed to be a part of such an incredible afternoon. It's an exciting time in the life of our church right now. There is an undeniable, uncontrollable movement of the Spirit stirring in the hearts of our people and it is a joy to grab a hold and go along for the ride.

4. I have moved apartments. I am no longer across from the beach :o( I am now 3 blocks from the beach :o)! It's only a few blocks from my old place and I absolutely LOVE it! It is a 2 story townhouse with lots of living space and the bedrooms and bathroom upstairs (pictures to come once I get unpacked!). I have a great roommate named Laura who works on staff at Campus Crusade. I think I'm going to really enjoy this new living situation and so far it has been super quiet! No more loud drunken parties or loud snoring neighbors...oh the blissful sleep I am experiencing:o).

5. I took a quick day-trip down to TJ, Mexico this past week with some of the people I work with. We have a project and some land down there and we were going to see what was going on and how we can partner in greater ways with the work that is happening. It is a place of abject poverty and brokenness and yet this center of buildings and the programs being offered are truly offering hope to the people there. I'm excited to figure out ways that my students can participate in the work down there...we shall see!

I think that is all for now. I continue to be amazed at how blessed I am, at how much the Father delights in me and loves me, and at how I get to bear witness to so many incredible moments happening in the Kingdom. There is so much to share about what is happening with the Student Ministry at Parkcrest but that is going to have to wait; I just returned home from a beach bonfire and the students wore me out:o).

To sum it all up: I love life. It makes me smile. and laugh. a lot.

I'm Sick: Part 2

2009-08-04T10:19:00.000-07:00

I went back to the doctor. I was told that I have an unknown virus and the only thing that will make me better is rest. She put me on 2 weeks of no work and only rest.

Problem: I was supposed to speak at CIY conference in OR and my sister is getting married in IN.

Doctor told me to skip the conference and try and make it to the wedding.

So after some rearranging with the airlines (since I was supposed to fly to Indy from OR) I managed to get a very expensive flight from CA to IN last Friday.

I have had another five days in bed and I am averaging about 6 hours awake time/day. Parts of me are feeling better but I am so weak and exhausted, probably from ALL the rest I'm getting, that I am still feeling pretty lousy.

The wedding is 4 days away. Today they were supposed to pot all of the wedding flowers. A huge thunderstorm came in this morning and has flooded the roads, stranded my Aunt Lorrie, flooded the basement (where other wedding items are being held), and all together has managed to make today "memorable."

I think I'll just go back to bed.

I'm Sick.

2009-07-28T18:10:00.000-07:00

Most of the team members that went to Brazil came down with a slight sinus infection while we were there. They were put on antibiotics and three days later they were fine. I was healthy the entire trip...no headaches, no problems. Then the last day came and I started to come down with something. I was given benadryl and had a reaction to that. It was just a bad cold.

Flash forward a week after being home and I am being taken to the ER. This would be my 6th visit to the ER (2 for car accidents, 2 for unknown sicknesses, 1 for getting dehydrated at a water park, and 1 for fainting at work). I was vomiting and couldn't stop which isn't normal and raised some concern so I buckled down and said...yes I probably need a professional's help at this point...

The doctor heard headache and Brazil and became convinced that I had meningitis and wanted to perform a spinal tap (apparently they do a lot and there is no cause for concern)! EXCUSE ME!!! No one will be tapping my spine thank you very much...I didn't have neck pain nor did I have a fever which I thought were pretty crucial signs in diagnosing meningitis. So they gave me two bags of fluid, failed to listen to my chest/lungs/heart and sent me on my way with instructions that if I was worse that I needed to come back in for that "no big deal" spinal tap.

I was put on a 48 hour watch by the doctor which you would think could pose a problem since I live by myself but apparently within moments my "moms" at church had made up a rotating schedule that had me covered.

I went to the doctor the next day and was put on a strong antibiotic.

I was cleared to go to HS Camp and so I did. My cough got worse and it was hard to sleep at night.

I went back to the doctor on the way home from camp. After some chest x-rays it turned out that I had Bronchitis. They gave me a shot in the butt and a new antibiotic and cough syrup with codine...That was Saturday. It is Tuesday night and I still feel pretty lousy. I'm sleeping (thank you codine) but still not feeling as though I am getting better.

I know what you're thinking...SLOW DOWN!

Gotcha. New Leaf is being turned over people. As much as it is tearing me up to say no to things that feed my soul and things that I love I have decided that 2 outside speaking engagements a semester is all that I am committing myself to this year. I have unfortunately had to cancel 4 different conferences/invites that are happening this Fall. I hate not following through on commitments but I recognize that I hate being sick worse and that truly until I get better no one is getting my best and that's not fair.

So...this my attempt at slowing down. Now if only this medicine and rest could make me better...

I'm Back.

2009-07-14T11:36:00.000-07:00

I have been home from Brazil for almost a full week now. I leave Monday for a week at CIY with my youth group. In between I have had the opportunity to hang out with my sister-in-law I have 2 HS events and I'm preaching for the church this weekend. And I'm sick.

While I was in Brazil I was reminded of a quote that was framed and given to me as a gift a while back that continues to ring very true for me and my life.

"I am not the same having seen the moon on the other side of the world"

I love this! I saw stars that I have never seen before while looking up in the Brazil sky. My spirit and soul found rest and I loved my time with the Brazilian people. I was also very ready to be back here. To continue to invest in the work that the Lord has for me in this place during this season.

One of the big things I took away was how involved and active the youth were in doing the work of the church in SIGNIFICANT ways at the church in Brazil. I watched my own students stand up and preach, give testimony, do dramas and lead worship and in those moments watched them grow up and recognize their own significance and what they are capable of.

I came back ready to give more opportunities for them to lead and what I found blessed me deeply...The students stepped up in big ways during my 3 week absence. They led an amazing VBS lesson at a pregnancy homeless shelter for the kids that live there. They bought the supplies, planned the theme, did the teaching, led every aspect of the afternoon. They pulled off a fun-filled evening at a Beach Bonfire. Again, they bought the food, led in worship, played games and enjoyed each other's company. I think the biggest surprise was coming in on Sunday and starting worship and recognizing that the band, for the first time, was filled with HS students!!!! I love that this happened without me being present. That these students are rising to high expectations set for them and in the meantime recognizing that they matter. I love that they are taking initiative in the ministry and that more and more students are wanting to be a part of it.

I love my job. I love the very very blessed life that I get to live. I am grateful that I serve a generous God who blesses me even when I don't feel worthy or deserving. I am grateful to serve Alongside students who are desperately trying to figure out their place in the Kingdom.

More stories and pictures to come...

Leaving to Find Rest

2009-06-20T10:12:00.000-07:00

20 hours and counting...

I am almost packed and the To Do lists are getting checked off. Tomorrow at 4am I will meet with my students and travel to Miami to meet the rest of the team and then Monday we will take off for Brazil, my first trip to South America.

Traveling out of the country is God's gift to me. I have been mistaken for a local in every country I have traveled to and felt instantly at home from day one. I am my most healthiest when I am overseas. And ministry is continually rich and rewarding for me when I am there, wherever there happens to be. I am my most rested when I am in other countries.

I am able to see, experience and participate with God in ways that are different from here in America, and that energizes and refreshes my spirit and soul. It has been one year since I was on foreign soil and I can feel it. I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I have a God who knows me intimately and who has called me to live and minister in America but knows that I do that better when I am able to interact with Him and His people in other lands.

So I am leaving tomorrow. And for the first time in over 3 years I will be completely disconnected from email/phone/twitter/fb and I couldn't be more thrilled. I am leaving to go and interact with brothers and sisters of mine that I have never met and expect that God will graciously knit our hearts together in order that we may minister to one another. I expect to be busy but in a different kind of way...a busyness that will ultimately bring deep Rest and Quiet to my often unrested, unquieted soul. I expect to fall in love with the people of Brazil and have a new deeper understanding of who my God is as a result. I expect to be challenged, encouraged, refreshed, exhausted, quieted, loved...

Looking forward to sharing stories when I return. Until then...off to complete my errands...

Staff Meeting

2009-06-09T18:35:00.001-07:00

I love where I work and I delight in the people that I get to serve alongside on a daily basis. Right now our staff is experiencing a hard season. One where professionally we are moving forward and seeing God's hand in mighty ways but personally lives are being faced with great obstacles and trials.

There is an excess of hurting and brokenness. I am surrounded by people who's lives have been drastically changed or are about to drastically change and there is no glib statement that will make it all better. Life will never be the same for many of my friends when they finally are able to walk out of this present season. They will be left to discover a new normal.

And so this morning we recognized out loud what we had all been talking about these past few weeks....that A LOT is going on. And our response? We pushed our chairs in close and we prayed. We interceded on one another's behalf. We prayed that God would bring healing to the broken and health to the sick. We prayed that He would give us a moment to breathe and to rest. That He would bless us with Selah...time to pause and reflect. To sit. To process.

And then we sang. We sang about how He gives and takes away BUT Blessed be His name and we sang about how our Savior can move mountains and how He is mighty to save. And we sang about how sometimes there is pain in the offering and the road is marked with suffering but still, WE SANG.

I am so grateful that we made space today to come together as a family. To carry each other's burdens. To acknowledge God in the midst of the difficulties. I am so blessed to be a part of this staff and to be here in these moments.

The Hole in Our Gospel

2009-06-01T16:00:00.000-07:00

I started reading this book today. It was recommended to me awhile back and while I haven't gotten very far in it, I have already found myself agreeing in my Spirit with much of what is being said.

“When we committed ourselves to following Christ, we also committed to living our lives in such a way that a watching world would catch a glimpse of God’s character - His love, justice and mercy- through our words, actions, and behaviors.

I love this. I am challenged by this. I want more of this.

A number of people that I care deeply about are in Africa right now. They are spread over multiple countries and many more are headed there in the upcoming months.

Africa is that place for me. You know the place where you feel most connected to God, most alive and most able to express freely who you were made to be? That is Africa for me. Specifically Uganda but I suspect it would be true in most places there. I have never cried longer, laughed harder, felt deeper than when my feet have been on the red dirt surrounded by the foreign smells and sounds. I love the people there. I love their spirit and their joy.

I think one of the reasons I love it there is because I think it is an "easy" place to show God's character. It is a place that is so in need of justice and mercy and people know it. They don't need convincing. They are ready and willing to receive. The crazy reality is that Africa is the most Churched continent in the world. They know Jesus over there. They love Him and trust Him. They also know what it is to be hungry, to be orphaned, to be surrounded by disease. It is a place where the Church, without much effort, can be the full-expression of the Church...where our words, actions and behaviors allow our brothers and sisters there to catch a glimpse of God's character while at the same time allowing the rest of the world to take notice.

I think it is okay and appropriate for me to have a special connection to Africa. To have my heart quicken when I hear mention of it. The reality, however, is that it should be just as easy to show God's love, justice, and mercy right where I live. And if it isn't then I've got some things to look at and process.

Moving On

2009-05-28T11:41:00.000-07:00

I am noticing that my blogs and status updates have been consumed by car woes lately...not that they aren't real and frustrating, because they are, but I am done allowing myself to be bothered by it and allowing it to consume my time and energy. So, I am moving on...no more writing about my car til the situation is made right, so in the meantime...movement.

I am so grateful to these last few months. I have both cried and laughed harder than I can remember in recent history. I have had deep insights and understandings that have begun to shape me into a deeper more truer version of who I am and was created to be. I have finally felt a release from the constant cloud that had become my companion over these past few months.

A lot of it has to do with allowing myself permission to move on. to move forward. to continue to grow and experience and live.

So what have I been doing to get to this point?

I started running.
WHAT!?!?! It's true. I can't say that I officially enjoy it as of yet but it has been just over a month (with a week break to hang out with my friend Catherine) and I can say that I feel so much better about life in general when I am active. It has proven to be an incredible stress reliever AND it gets me to my beach multiple times during the week! Not bad. Along with the running comes crunches and push-ups...not to brag but 45 man-style push-ups multiple times a week...not too shabby:o) Although in full confession mode: My Wii-fit age is 41. So I have a lot of work to do:o)

I started eating healthier.
By this I primarily mean that I eat more meals at home. It is so easy to justify eating on the run with my schedule but I purposely schedule my week now making sure that I eat at least 3 dinners at home. This is a 300% improvement from a few months ago (not sure if the math is accurate or not, but it is significant!). I have found that there are days when I play a vegetarian. I love the veggies and rice and beans and have no desire for meat...there are other days however when I can be found gnawing on a rack of ribs:o).

I started writing.
I read an incredible book: The War of Art by Pressfield. It finally motivated me to do something that I have been planning on doing for a long time but always had a decent excuse to keep me from it. Writing is a great creative outlet for me and it is separate from work which I am finding to be of more and more value.

So that's me. A healthier happier version of the me that has been posting the last few blogs. Amazing how much easier it is to breathe when the cloud lifts and gives you a glimpse of the sun again. I will enjoy the sun while it shines and steady myself for the clouds that are bound to come, only this time knowing the strength I have to stand stronger than I have before.

Car Woes

2009-05-11T17:25:00.000-07:00

I am cursed.
Not that I necessairly believe in curses (or at least in ones that I am destined to live under)but if I did I would be certain that I am cursed when it comes to cars.

Driving cars. Riding in cars. Having cars repaired. Purchasing cars. Getting hurt by cars.

You name it. I am cursed.

We won't mention the 4 car accidents that I have been in in a relatively short amount of time, and there is really no reason to digress about my poor Toyota Corolla that couldn't give up the shakes once it went faster than 70...and then no real reason to bring up the poor shopping experience at Toyota when looking to buy a new car...no we won't do that.

But this latest car curse. Let me tell you. I am done. I will play every card in my deck if it means getting out of this nightmare. I will play the "girl card" proudly...I will throw a temper tantrum like a 3 yr old. I will kiss up/play nice...If you tell me to jump, I will simply ask How High? If any of that would mean that I would have a car that works...that's all I'm asking for.

One month ago I purchased a previously owned '07 Saturn Ion. Cute little thing with power windows (big upgrade from my roll-down by hand windows that I had been accustomed to). I left my car for 2 weeks to work in Arizona and upon returning the problems started.

It wouldn't start. At least not on the first try. It would always eventually start but after waiting 20 min. it was time to take her in.
After 2 days they fixed it.
The car ran great for one week.
Take the car to Disneyland, the car won't shut off. Minor problem. You can take the key out of the ignition and drive it as though having no key is normal. Problem.
Took the car in. Was given Rental Car #1 (Mazda 6-Silver).
Car was ready the next day. (Saturday)
Sunday the car doesn't start right away on not 1 but 4 different occasions.
Take car in Monday. Given Rental Car #2 (Chevy Cobalt- Silver).
Saturn says the car starts every time for them. Give me the car back on Tuesday.
Tuesday night...Car doesn't start.
Take car in Wednesday (is this beginning to sound repetitive). Yelled at by a sales manager and treated horribly. Given Rental Car #3 (Chevy Cobalt- Black).
Told to bring it back in when a loaner car was available. That was 5 days ago. I was given the new Navy Saturn Aura to drive with wood paneling trim lining the insides.

The service guy told me that I could bring my car in and exchange it for the loaner. If you were reading carefully you would be asking the same question..."You mean, my car that has been sitting at your dealearship since Wednesday of last week?!?!!?" And you would calmly sign your name on the release papers for the loaner and wait for the Law to go into effect that says they must buy back this cursed car.

In conclusion: I am driving a car that makes me feel like an 80-year old grandma and in the month that I have owned my new car I have driven it 9 days. Taken it to the service center 4 times. And driven 4 cars other than my car. You tell me...am I cursed?

Catch-up Blog

2009-04-29T15:20:00.000-07:00

I have let too much time pass and too many significant things go by without writing about them...so this is my feeble attempt to speak to what has been happening in my life as of late...

1. I got a new car.

I am sad to say that I have left the Toyota family and am the proud owner of an '07 Saturn Ion. Let this be a lesson to Toyota: Don't comment on your customers clean finger nails...its creepy and it drives people away.
This is my first car with automatic anything and it is set up to connect to my iphone and play Pandora through the speakers (Maybe my favorite part:o)).

2. My taxes are truly messed up.

Turns out that I potentially owe the government $13,000! Which makes point number one rather confusing (Why a new car...my old car was dead.). Turns out that I had not opted out of social security as a minister and as a result am subject to self-employment tax which means that I owe 15% of my salary from the past two years and have to have money withheld to ready me for next year...There is however a glimmer of hope due to my friend Jen telling me about her tax guy...so here's hoping that I only own $10,000 and won't be subject to self-employment tax next year.

3. Arizona for two weeks.
It was a great time getting to know the A.R.M. staff and to do life with them and their families. I learned that I can't hammer a nail straight however I can tile and spread floor adhesive like nobody's business! It was a great time with students and leaders and although I was physically exhausted by the end of it...I am glad I was there for two weeks. Two weeks meant 2x as much eating Charlie's cooking (mission trip and we were eating pork chops with apricot glaze and chocolate mint cheesecake:o) ), it meant two trips to Roberto's for the best burritos I have ever tasted, it meant multiple visits with Pastor Eric and being around to meet a former gang member and his brother who accepted Christ after hearing me speak last summer at CIY and spending the evening playing Apples to Apples with them, it meant that many more people recognizing that I have a lot to "Share" and that it isn't at all pleasant...in fact smelly would be more appropriate. It meant playing with kids and working hard twice as much and loving it.

4. I turned 27.
I received one of the most amazing presents from my students. It was a huge jar filled with over 400 slips of paper where students wrote favorite memories, enocouragement, things they loved or admired about me...It blew me away.

5. My family + Scott visited for a week.
There were 6 adults in my one bedroom apartment and although it was cramped...it was great sharing my life out here with them. It was hard again to face the reality that Julie wasn't there but it was good to grieve together.

6. Life Hurts God Heals finished up last Sunday.
We have been at this program since January 18...tons of prepping for it and training and investing and long days but after Sunday it was evident to all of us how worth it it all was. We had two students get baptized and a number accept Christ through this program. 5 very brave students shared their testimonies and there wasn't a dry eye in the house listening to their stories and how God, through this program, has shown them healing.

7. Lots of speaking engagements.
I've been speaking around town and back in Indy quite a bit this month. Good, but too busy so I think that I will be setting up some more boundaries to protect my sanity a bit more in the future.

8. I started running!!!!
I can't really believe it myself. But it is true...at least 3x a week I can be found running (with a little bit of walking) on my beach. I needed an outlet for the stress in my life and I think this is a good one...eating healthier and getting exercise is a good thing...who knew?!?!

9. I auditioned at Disney.

It was face character auditions and it turns out they were looking for Snow White, Alice, the Madhatter, and Prince Charming...I don't quite fit any of those qualifications. It was a fun experience and I'm glad that I did it and thanks to some of my HS leaders I now own a child's size large (and yes it fits) Belle Christmas dress complete with gloves/tiara and jewelry!

10. Don't really have a #10 but to sum this post up I would say that life right now is hectic but slowing, painful and hard yet littered with many moments of joy, stressful but filled with peace, tiring yet energizing, filled with tears yet filled with much laughter...most of all you could simply say that my life is FULL.

Last two weeks in pictures (words will come later)

2009-04-19T20:28:00.000-07:00

Car Shopping

2009-03-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

The Silver Bullet (aka my '02 silver corolla) is slowing falling a part. So in my own personal efforts to boost the economy, instead of pouring money into a less reliable car, I am in the market for a new car, or at least one that is new to me...

My dream car for about 7 years has been the RAV4...Let me tell you why...their advertising.

Yep, I saw a picture of a silver RAV4 with three girls in their 20s dressed for a night out with the city skyline in the background and I decided then and there that that was my car :o) Turns out they are also a good and reliable means of transportation...Bonus!

I went out last weekend and met my salesman David...Here are some of the fun things that came out of his mouth...
1. You look Christian. (my reply: What does that mean?)...Well, Christians I know they look nice and good and you look nice and good.
2. You are really into the details...I can tell because you have the cleanest natural fingernails I've ever seen on a person (At this point I'm beginning to second guess my decision to be in a car alone with this guy)
3. I bet you're a cool youth pastor aren't you? (Why do you say that?) You have a swagger to ya.

So to summarize, in one afternoon I learned that I look like a Christian with a swagger and clean nails...

Lesson learned...I will be going shopping with my Dad this weekend to finalize the purchase.

Make the Sun Stand Still

2009-03-11T17:02:00.000-07:00

I'm finishing up a Beth Moore Bible study called Believing God with some of the ladies at my church and the session this morning was really good.

It talked about when God requires all of you...sometimes He just says to observe and watch Him do the work, sometimes He tells us to be still and know that He is God, and other times He tells us that this season we are in, the battle we are in, is going to require all of us.

I'm in that "All of you is being required stage" right now. The season where simply taking a step requires all your energy and effort...I was reminded of a few truths which seemed to easy the heavy load a bit...

1. God delights in God-exalting, ambitious praying... (ie: Joshua was in a physical battle, hand-to-hand combat with his enemies and if it became dark he and his men would be at a great disadvantage...so He asked God to make the sun to continue to shine...and it did. The sun stood still! Oh how God must have delighted in the mere fact that Joshua felt that he could ask for something so ambitious!)

2. When God requires and receives our 100%, He'll return a hundredfold...(there is something to come out of this hurt and heartache...and to the degree that it has been hard I know it will be good and so even though today I don't feel like it, I was encouraged to start praising Him for what I know will come)

3. God requires so much of us at times so that we can experience the unmatched exhilaration of partnering in divine triumph. (As hard as this time is...I am confident that there will be a day when I will be able to look back on this season and see His hand so evidently, when I know I will be able to have seen His presence so vividly and in that moment I will have wished for nothing less being grateful that He cares so intimately about my life and situation to move in such a personal way.)

It was a good morning and a good lesson. And in taking each day at a time...today has been a good day.

Hard Times.

2009-03-08T19:59:00.000-07:00

I've been struggling lately to put into words how I am feeling. Honestly I've been struggling with just doing life these past few weeks. It's been difficult trying to find the balance of letting people in to my pain and hurt while at the same time keeping it together in order to get my job done and being strong for the people who are relying on me, coming to me for the answers.
I know with a certainty that I will be okay. I know that my pain will be used for good. But in this moment I don't see it. In this moment I have never felt so alone and so desperate for a reprieve, for a break from this deep hurt and ache that threatens to take over.
I am still choosing joy but it is a choice that requires much effort these days. I am still loving the job that I have and the friendships that I have made in this place. It's just a hard season and it has all only intensified since November.
My friend shared this song with me by Twila Paris...I think these lyrics in some way communicate the struggle that I feel inside. The need to grieve and be sad while at the same time needing to be strong...

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
the warrior is a child

So I'm sad and the tears are flowing a bit more freely these days...but I'm learning to be okay with that and in the mean time I am giving myself lots of grace.

Change in Motion Recap

2009-03-06T18:42:00.000-08:00

We had an incredible weekend at Change in Motion with our middle and high school age students. The students were given an opportunity to identify with the lives of those who are just like in so many ways, but happen to live in very different circumstances.

They were processed into an IDP camp by having their name/cell phones/ipods taken away from them and having them replaced with a number and a small bowl/cup and registration card that had to be with them at all times.

They were given "authentic" Ugandan and Cambodian food in comparable portions and had to use their hands to eat.

They were shocked and challenged by Invisible Children's newest documentary and identified with the former night commuters by walking around our church property for 3 hours while having different "breaks" where they were able to experience more about Ugandan culture.

They slept in cardboard boxes outside in IDP camp #5950.

They waited in ration lines.

They watched the BAHT documentary about a 16 yr old girl who escaped from the brothels in Cambodia and had interactive excercises following in order to help them process further.

They got to here how their money is being put to use by LIA and Hope for Cambodia.

They danced to break the chains of slavery and stood on their feet for 4 hours in solidarity with their sisters who are in chains and bondage.

They ate pizza, drank soda, and worshipped in celebration of completing a very intense 24 hours.

MY HIGHLIGHTS:
1. Watching students go from trying to find ways around eating with their hands to shoveling it down and getting messy by meal #3 and not caring a bit.
2. Watching the HS students love on and include the Jr High students and truly go through the experience together.
3. Seeing God move in mysterious ways to get an Invisible Children team to our event.
4. Hearing the reports from parents about how affected their children were.
5. Getting to wear army fatigues and hearing the students call me Boss :o)
6. Watching 80 students raise close to $4000 for people they will most likely never meet.
7. Watching students learn the dance from Superstar and giving it their all.
8. Having a 24 hour event with no incidents or discipline problems.

HERE ARE SOME PICS:

Change in Motion

2009-02-26T17:32:00.000-08:00

Join us on February 27-28 at the Heartwell Campus for a unique event for all students. For 24 hours, you will be living the life of a young person on the other side of the world.

* Eating what they would eat
* Walking how they would walk
* Sleeping in boxes as they would sleep
* Dancing how they might dance
* Praying the prayers they have prayed

24 hours to realize...not everyone lives like you do.

This is part of our promotional material that we have sent out to our students. They are about to participate in a 24 hour event that will hopefully cause them to think and act differently. They have been raising money for
Hope for Cambodia

Life in Abundance

and Invisible Children...

Now they will come to the church tomorrow night with their cardboard boxes and sleeping bag not knowing everything that will be in store for them with the hopes that they will walk away 24 hours later with a connection, a thought, a challenge that will hopefully remind them long past this event that not everyone lives like they do, and they can do something about that!

They will be eating Ugandan and Cambodia food, waiting in ration lines, listening to testimonies and watching documentaries, they will be walking and dancing and learning and sleeping (well, probably not sleeping) outside in cardboard boxes...

This event is months in the making and what started as a dream in my mind is becoming a reality tomorrow night with a lot of hard-working dedicated volunteers putting time in before after and during in order to make this happen...

I can't wait to recap the event and share pictures and videos. Please be praying for the students that are coming that this would be a life-altering event for them and pray that it doesn't rain:o)

Letters from Julie

2009-02-22T20:08:00.001-08:00

I came across some letters/a poem that Julie has written to me over the years. What a source of comfort these have proven to be over this past week...

Dear Rachel,

I just wanted to let you know at this special time of year, how special you are to me. I have missed you this year. I know you are far away, but never too far out of my heart. I treasure all the good times we had and the times when you were there to support me when times were not so good. I loved the talk we had the last time you were here. You are so bright, intelligent, sensitive, and God loving. You are so pure honey, I love it! I have know you since you were two months old, and I still love you and will always love you. My love and faith has deepened over the years and you are a big part of that. I know you will do great things in life. I love you!

Christ's Peace,
Love Always Julie

Dear Rachel Ree,

Hey Happy Holidays! I wanted to write you a little note to tell how thankful Scott and I are to have you as a part of our family. I want to apologize for being sick the night of your play. I know without even having been there that you were exceptional. You are one fine young lady Rachel. I don't know how you do all that you do. You burn the candle at both ends and still seem to have time for your family at home. I have enjoyed all our dinners together this semester. I am so going to miss you in Tennessee. I know our denominations are not the same, but we do share a true love for Jesus Christ. I know I am not perfect, but I know in my hear that every time I fall I am still loved by Him and am called to get up and walk again.

Rachel, you are quite an excellent example to these young girls you work with. You hold your faith and convictions seriously. I think these girls draw strength from you. They look at you and see how beautiful you are inside and out, and how you live your faith. This makes them to want that for themselves. We love you very much. I know this Christmas is a little sad without Mr. Oblon, but know he is with you in spirit.

In closing, remember how fortunate we all are to have what we have. Our blessings are abundant even though we forget sometimes. I miss the days when you were at Christmas with us at Good Shepherd when you were younger. You used to cling to my side and sit on my lap. Having children of my own is something I always wanted. Thanks for letting us experience it.

Always,
Julie and Scott

AND NOW ONE OF HER FAMOUS POEMS...

"Rachel Ree"

Once upon a time on a Beech Grove street,
things were good, gravy and sweet.

On 7th and Buffalo lived Sarah Joe and Julie
And then came along Rachel Marie.

She had thick dark hair, and dark brown eyes,
On breast milk and oats Rachel did thrive.

One day with Rachel I went to the pool,
I pretended she was mine, and I felt so cool.

We were having fun, me and Rachel Ree,
Until I drooped her under the water running from a bee.

She was very happy and would only frown
When Sarah got more, or if she was turned upside down.

For her acting and creativity there is much to be said,
I remember her favorite song to sing was Three Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed.

One day Julie sent Rachel and Sarach to their rooms to work out their different plans
I do not know if they came to an agreement, but Rachel came out with a few blonde hairs in her hand

Julie liked to take Rachel for rides on the bike with the carrier seat,
Rachel loved it until Julie parked the bike, and Rachel fell over in the street.

Then Daniel Joseph came along and Rachel Ree had to share,
Sarah was enough to get along with but three she thought was not fair.

Rachel was quite the talented in acting, music, and dance,
She would perform for any audience if she got the chance.

She was talented in academics, and all that she did,
Who would of thought that this would come from such a collicky kid.

I have enjoyed all our road trips and our times together,
Her love and friendship I will treasure forever.

A fine young woman she has turned out to be,

Whatever anchor woman she calls herself, she will always be our "Rachel Ree"
And she damn well better write from the state of Missouri.

No Words Can Express...

2009-02-14T14:36:00.000-08:00

My second mom/family's best friend, Julie, passed away Wednesday night at the age of 44.

While I am still reeling in shock and feel as though a deep breath may be my undoing, I choose to write. To try and put some words to the emotions that I feel. To help those who will now never have a chance to know her, in some way understand what a remarkable woman she was. And maybe the writing will help me as I prepare to give her eulogy on Monday...

Julie and her husband Scott were high school sweethearts and some of my dad's first students. Scott helped Dad coach the girls softball team and Julie helped Mom watch us kids. Mom and Dad were both in their wedding and Scott and Julie were named as Dan's godparents.

In their first year of marriage Julie went blind from complications with diabetes and they gave birth to their first son Patrick who died 7 days later.

Julie received and was the longest living receipient of a pancreas/kidney transplant a few years later and was doing well. In '98 she miscarried her second child. She was constantly in and out of the hospital, getting new drugs, fighting the addiction to the pain meds, getting infections, having tests run...When I was in middle school we thought she wasn't going to make it through her current operations at that time. Mom prepared us to say good-bye, but Julie was a fighter and she kept right on living. This past year has been the roughest. Her kidneys had failed and they were preparing for another transplant, only this time Scott would be providing the kidney. The final tests were completed on Tuesday of this past week and while Julie had a good day on Wednesday and talked to Scott 15 min. before he got home, when he arrived she told him she was having trouble breathing and before the ambulance arrived, she had stopped breathing.

She and Scott have been apart of my life since the beginning. Julie would baby-sit me and my siblings and we would share 2-3 meals a week with them. Family Christmases weren't celebrated without them and family vacations included them as well. Scott and Julie were more vocal about me going to college out-of-state than my own parents were and when I graduated with a job offer in Indianapolis they were both on the phone screaming and yelling their excitement. They are the reason my parents are still married today and vice versa. They saw our family at our very best and at our very worst. They knew us intimately. Scott was Dan's best man in his wedding. They moved within a mile of my parents house. They have cried with me through my hard times and rejoiced with me during my great times. We celebrated Mother's Day and Father's Day with them. Julie and I would talk on the phone for an hour easy thinking it had only been a few minutes. She would call on my birthday and leave me her made up song for that year on my voicemail. She and Scott called us their kids and for all intent and purposes, we were. They hosted our parties, knew our friends...

So, when I say that I am losing my second mom, the truth is it feels much deeper than that.

Any time I was asked to write about someone who inspired me or someone I looked up to, it was always a no-brainer. Julie took top honors. Because while she was so sick for so long, she chose to live her life well and she affected all who knew her.

She chose joy. She had every right to be bitter and angry at God but instead she accepted the cards dealt her and sang praises on Sunday and was a walking testimony of someone who had a peace which transcended all understanding.

She was selfless. Despite her pain, she would always ask my mom how I was doing. She was beat up over the fact that I had been in so many car accidents and had so many migraines and would always tell me that she was praying for me and how bad she felt.

She loved well. The example that I witnessed first hand of her and Scott's relationship is a treasure that I will always keep. They got that marriage was hard but that their commitment to one another was deeper than any circumstance or situation they found themselves in. Julie had to be led around due to her blindness. With everyone else she had her arm wrapped around thier's and walked very close to them, but with Scott she just held his hand...their was such an intense level of trust and dependence in him. Watching Scott these past few days has been close to unbearable. When they first got married Julie never went to the bathroom because Scott would always come knocking on the door saying "Julie, whatcha doin' in there?" He couldn't bare to be away from her.

She remembered everything. She kept us all honest. Scott would tell his version of the story and then Julie would correct him. She knew every song which was a huge help in Humdinger when we played Cranium, the problem was none of us had ever heard of the songs she was humming. She took all of our secrets with her. She had everyone's numbers and addresses memorized. She could recognize hundreds by their voices and she recognized me by my hug.

She had the greatest sense of humor. She always had a new joke to tell us when she came over and she had a knack for story telling. She never took herself or her situation too seriously. They were with my parents going to a State Park that gave discounts for handicapped persons and my Dad went in with her ID card but the people inside said that they actually needed to see her and make sure she was handicapped. Julie responded by saying, "Here, I'll just pop my eyes out and set them on the counter...do you think they'd believe me then?"

She understood me and my faith when my own mom couldn't and she was instrumental in helping my mom and I to restore our relationship. The legacy that she leaves behind is incredible. And although the grief is deep, although our lives will never be the same, deep down, we know that we are the lucky ones. We are the blessed ones because we got to know this remarkable woman. We got to see her walk through such pain with such incredible grace. I feel sorry for all those who will never get to know her now...

The showing is tomorrow and the funeral is Monday. Please pray for strength and peace and comfort for Scott and my family and the hundreds who are at a loss for words right now...

I love you Ju-Ju.

My Hollywood Trip

2009-02-06T10:43:00.003-08:00

My friend Kristen came out to visit me this past week and it was her first time in California…what’s a trip to Cali without a visit to the Hollywood sign? Answer…a bad one.

So Monday we set out on our fun adventure. I used our Metro system for the first time…this was a big check off of my personal things to do list as I am addicted to public transport…It definitely lengthened our trip, but I was able to pull out my Kindle and enjoy some leisurely reading while Kristen got stared at with one eye by a guy from Compton.

For some reason as we transferred to the red line I only saw Hollywood and Vine…and that registered in my head as where we wanted to go, so we got off. I recognized that although there were stars on the sidewalk, this wasn’t right. So I pulled out my trusty blackjack and typed in the Kodak Theater and set off on the path they gave me…

A mile and a half later, we were at Sunset and Vine. Not at the Kodak Theater. Turns out the directions given me were to Hollywood in the generic sense of the term. I retyped Kodak in the right field and were given directions to Highland which was the right street…only it was just under 2 miles away…No worries, as I am an avid exerciser (HA!)…I could walk in my thin sandals through the Hollywood neighborhoods…

After a quick stop at Arby’s for some much needed nutrients we were off…A closed portion of Sunset led us on a detour through some less than safe areas. We walked through a group of guys hangin on the sidewalk…they stopped talking as we walked through and then stamped their feet like they were coming after us…I laughed, Kristen had to catch her breath.

I retyped Kodak to make sure we were still heading the right direction and this time it said we were 4 miles away!!! WHAT?!?! We were on the same street. UGH! We finally stopped at a 7/11 and asked and were told to back track and go back in the same direction we had come from… a mile or so later…WE MADE IT!!! (If you’re calculating…yes, we walked over 4 miles, aka I reached my workout quota for the year!).

Everything was set up for the premiere of He’s Just Not That Into You and we found out that all of the stars would be there at 6:30…we figured after all we had been through we could wait 2 hours to share in the experience.

We waited. We saw. We screamed. We almost came to blows with a lady that was pushing us against the bars. We laughed. We took pictures. I would like to introduce you to my new friends…No, seriously, eye contact and waving commenced between us, therefore, we are friends.

Afterwards, we got back on the metro and made the hour trip home. The highlight of that trip? An older lady saying that she really liked the movie He’s Just Not That Into You (yes, the one that JUST opened that night, currently being shown for the FIRST time as we were riding home). She said it reminded her of Clueless. I’m going to see it next weekend, I’ll let you know if she is right…

Car Accident #4

2009-01-19T17:13:00.000-08:00

I am averaging a car accident a year over the past 4 years.

In '04/'05 I was in 3 accidents in 8 months. Side Note: I wasn't driving in any of them. I've been rear-ended, been involved in rear-ending someone else, and have flipped over 2 1/2 times down a ravine.

Last night I got to add t-boned to that list. AND hit and run. I was on my way to church to start our new program for HS students and a red car came from the alley, hit my car, and then sped off. Luckily myself and my new intern, Bethany, weren't hurt badly, just shooken up and sore. My back passenger side door was totaled and will need to be replaced.

I went to the chiropractor today to get some x-rays and found out that my left leg is a 1/2" shorter than my right...which may explain a few things:o).

Hopefully in addressing this they will get to the root of my persistent migraines and the chronic pain that I've had since accident #1...

So, as my blog title suggests, I am choosing joy. I am joyful that Bethany and I are both ok and that we weren't hurt worse. I am joyful in realizing that of the 4 accidents I am doing better sooner. I am joyful for the fact that I get to drive a blue chevy cobalt WITH a working drivers' side handle, and incredibly joyful that my deductible is only $100!

I am also choosing to believe that Mr. Hit and Run (or Mrs, Not entirely sure) was either drunk or without insurance, or maybe on the way to the hospital to deliver a baby(only applicable if it was a Mrs)...something to explain the reasoning for not stopping and seeing if we were okay and taking responsibility.

Another New Holiday Tradition...

2009-01-05T20:37:00.003-08:00

Not only did I change things up a bit by focusing my gift giving on fair trade organizations this year, but my mom’s family switched things up as well…

My mom is one of ten kids. Nine are still living, all but one is married, and all but one has children. I am one of 17 grandkids and we are averaging marrying off a couple of cousins every year…Needless to say it is a big crew. On holiday gatherings there are usually close to 50 joining in on the festivities.

We are a loud and crazy group of individuals. We play by our own sets of rules. We value family above all else.

We have gone through a number of changes in the way that we celebrate Christmas as the kids have grown up. We started gathering on the day after Christmas…the adults filled each others stockings with goodies and the kids had the stockings filled by Opa and Grandma. The kids also exchanged names and bought for one of our cousins. Each of the kids had a chance to sit in the big chair, all attention on them, and open their present.

As we graduated from college we joined the adults and exchanged stocking stuffers. Now that the youngest grandchild is in 8th grade, we’ve outgrown the big chair and the stockings. For the past few years we have each brought a $25 gift for a gift exchange. Our family took to this pretty readily…competition, stealing, walking away with a decent gift…what’s not to love?

This year we switched things up yet again. With the economy turning the way it has people struggled with just buying random gifts that nobody needed so the idea was tossed around that we should cancel the gift exchange. Another good point was raised however that we weren’t doing anything to help the economy by not spending money…SO, the solution was this…If you wanted, you could contribute a $25 gift that would be auctioned off and all the proceeds would go to a local charity!

People auctioned off homemade specialties, 8 hours of labor, original artwork, even a $20 bill that surprisingly was sold to my dad (the most frugal man alive!) for $23. We spent a good hour, everyone crammed into the main room, auctioning off the gifts. Lots of laughter, lots of people outbidding others, and lots of money raised.

When all was said and done, we raised over $1500 for the local Meals on Wheels charity in Terre Haute, Indiana! We had so much fun doing it and it was awesome to realize what we were able to accomplish together. It sounds like others felt the same way and people are leaning towards allowing the auction to have a repeat appearance next year!

I love my big, crazy family. We had a great time celebrating what the Season is truly all about!

Fair Trade Christmas Shopping

2008-12-17T16:34:00.000-08:00

I'm done with my Christmas shopping...well almost! Gift giving is my love language...I LOVE to give gifts. I LOVE to find THE perfect gift and I will hunt until I find it. It took awhile this year but I think I did it.

I did things a bit different this year and I couldn't be more excited about it. Everyone on my list has everything they could ever need and then some and while I don't want to get into a conversation about materialism I was feeling as though I wanted to change things up with my Christmas shopping this year.

I was able to buy all fair trade gifts this year meaning that all of the artists responsible for making the gifts received a fair wage for their labor. All of my gifts were "green" gifts meaning they were made with materials that were not harmful to the earth. At this point, you're like...wow! But wait, there's more:o)

Not only that...but there is an incredible fair trade site I found call the TheHungerSite.com where everything you buy corresponds with a different amount of food...so say you buy a sweater...you just donated 25 cups of food at no additonal cost to you, just for shopping! All in all my shopping provided 175 cups of food. Now you're thinking that's pretty great, could it get any better? I say...Yes it can!

Not only is it fair trade and green and providing food BUT organizations like HungerSite and NightLight are literally changing people's lives and by buying from them I get to have a part in that. The items I purchased are helping women who have been rescued from sexual exploitation in Bangkok to learn a trade and begin a new life for themselves. Injured soldiers in Ethiopia have job opportunities and a livelihood as well as the handicapped and economically disadvantaged women in southern India.

I am so excited to give these gifts! I think I just began a new tradition for myself!

Change

2008-12-13T09:20:00.001-08:00

A year ago this time I was adjusting back to life in the wintry cold of Indiana after spending 3 months in Uganda and its hard to believe its been that long. In that year I have sold my house, moved across the country, been a nanny, worked retail, and am now working at an incredible church doing what I absolutely love.

It is amazing how much my life has changed in a year. People are always wondering what my nationality is (a bit of everything, a lot of Polish and Slovak) and we found out in a round about way that I may have some Gypsy in me. This explains a lot. I love new experiences, meeting new people, being in new places…

I am still pinching myself to convince myself that this current life that I am living is real. I get to live in California. I get to live at the beach (one that I have yet to actually enjoy by going too BUT LOVE to look at every day). I get to go to a job that uses my gifts and work with people that I love…

So, while I enjoy change, I’m hoping to be here for a long long time…if for no other reason than for the simple fact that I think my blood is too thin to handle significantly cold temperatures anymore. (Case in point: Going home for Thanksgiving required me being wrapped in blankets the entire time…)…So with all the change in my life let me put some fears and unfortunately some hopes to rest…California is my home and I couldn’t me more thrilled about it.

Trip to the Big City

2008-11-09T21:02:00.000-08:00

There is no question. No doubt. I am a city girl. I can appreciate the charm of the small town, the allure of the quiet get-a-way...for a weekend, maybe a long weekend...but my heart comes alive, I literally become energized when I am in the city.

I just got back from my favorite city in the world. It's a bold claim. I haven't been to them all, so I'm willing for a city to one day knock this one off the top, but for now it is and will remain my favorite. There is something about New York City that makes me smile...a lot of somethings.

There is the breathtaking skyline....

The energy, the lights, the people....

The SHOWS. Broadway. Nothing like it anywhere else.

I have a new favorite after this trip. IN THE HEIGHTS is a must see as far as I'm concerned. I am not a cryer...and I was holding myself back from sobbing like a fool, forget the tears, there was no hope in keeping those in. EVERY minute was thought through, it was mastery. The two and a half hour show took you on the full range of emotions and brought you into the story and made you dance and laugh and cry...it was FABULOUS! It is my favorite of all I have seen. We were lucky enough to meet the actors afterwards and take pictures with them and get autographs...truly a wonderful evening. (This is the lead actress: Nina, she is from California, apparently I said 'totally' at some point, which made her ask if I was from California...aka: We had a moment and we are now best friends!)

The public transportation.

I have a love obsession with this stuff! You mean to tell me that you can live in places where people will do the work for you, they will get you where you need to go, and all you have to do is sit, read a book/listen to music/drink your coffee/eat your donut? Really!?!?! Not only that, but its with people! (all you introverts are screaming that this is exactly your reason for loving the independence of your car), its a shared experience, its community. I LOVE IT!

It was an amazing few days in an amazing city. I took J.J. there as a "surprise" to celebrate our anniversary and as his Christmas present, and let's face it, it was just as much a gift for me as it was for him.

We saw the stature of liberty and toured around Central Park. We ate at amazing restaurants and connected with old friends and made some new ones. I learned that I look A LOT like Mary Poppins....

But mostly while I love the city and could see myself living there, as I came home to California and gazed out at the ocean and recognized that it would still be quite some time till I would need my winter coat and big scarves, I realized that maybe, just maybe, the East Coast is a great vacation spot, but the West Coast...this is my home.

Princess Rachel and her Babysittee

2008-10-14T18:56:00.000-07:00

Jack and Elizabeth are the kids of some of J.J. and I's friends. Elizabeth is 4 and Jack is soon to be 2. They are incredibly intelligent, articulate, and hysterical. The first time I baby-sat them with J.J., Elizabeth reminded me of the first time that she met me and how she didn't really like me but now we are friends. Whoosh!

Since them, Elizabeth and I have become close buddies. We even share a similar taste in shoes! This week she made up a song that went something like..." Glorious, wonderful, Princess Rachel, marvelous, Princess Rachel." Did I say that we were buddies?

She heard that I had been sick so she spent this past week making me presents. She made me my own garden and dictated a note to her mom and she signed it, your babysittee, Elizabeth.

This has been a rough month . I have been averaging almost a migraine a day (which explains the absence from blog writing) and have tried 6, soon to be 7 medicines to try and find an answer. I have been to the doctor, the chiropractor and a massage therapist and have a referral for a neurologist. I have had migraines since I was 12 years old, but never this many, never this intense. I've missed work and sleep and feel exhausted most of the time. I'm frustrated and I want answers and I want relief and none is coming...at least not the kind that I was expecting...

Instead, a 4 year old girl spent last week constructing a garden and singing about me and praying at dinner that God would make my bad headaches go away. So while there is still pain and little answers, there is plenty of reason to smile.

Update on Ike

2008-09-13T08:41:00.000-07:00

Just talked to my dad.

My sister and Andrew are no longer in their house. They said it was incredibly windy and very scary throughout the night. Around 1am a large tree fell on the neighbor's house busting a gas line. They came and got Sarah and Andrew and took them to a neighbor's house to avoid a possible fire. Those neighbors were smoking, which made my sister nervous. So during the Eye of the Hurricane they went outside to try and find other shelter. Luckily there were other neighbors outside that let them come and stay with them.

Currently that is where they are. They haven't been back to their house but from initial reports it seems as though they will be stuck with those nasty windows.

Power is out and it could take 2 weeks to get it back on again. The water supply could be compromised. Who knows when this gas line will be fixed.

Good news: Nothing is as bad as what the experts had expected.

Hurricane Ike

2008-09-12T23:41:00.001-07:00

I have never been a fan of bad weather. I don't get people who like to sit outside and watch the storm move in...I can't even wrap my mind around that. For me, it all started with a bad thunderstorm in elementary school that included lightening so menacing that it burned down a house in my neighborhood. Our house was bigger. In my 7 year old mind, our house was next. So from then on I have pictured burning houses and have struggled to find sleep when the weather becomes threatening on any level.

Tornados are bad. I've experienced a few bad ones. I had the drill down pat. Earthquakes are most often over before you realize it, or so I've been told...have yet to experience one out here in California. Yet, clearly all of these pale in comparison to hurricanes. I mean hurricanes bring with them tornados and wind and Water. I have seen the devastation first hand of Hurricane Katrina but I haven't been personally affected by hurricane season, til now.

My sister and her fiancee are two of many who are hunkering down for hurricane Ike this evening. They live in Houston and by the looks of it Ike is heading straight for them. They have boarded up the back windows of the house, leaving the front ones exposed (hoping for some damage because they would really like some new ones but want the insurance check to cover them). They have food and candles, a radio and a plan, but no one knows what to expect.

Her fiancee has decided that he is going to be Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he lost both of his legs, but whatever helps at this point, right?!?!

My sister is emergency plan ready. She spent many lengthy weeks figuring out a way to save all of our lives (yes, you owe her a big thank you) if the bird flu ever hit. She has called and told me that if the moon moves any closer to the earth that I need to get in a car and drive east, because California will be under water. She managed to live and thrive in a remote African village for 2 years...so I know she is prepared and she can handle it. She's my big sister. But today...today she is scared. She didn't sleep much last night and my guess is that she isn't sleeping right now. She's anxious and the fear of the unknown is very real for her right now.

The pictures and reports that are being shared on the news are certainly doing nothing to ease my mind and worry. I'm hoping and praying that Ike would quickly lose its strength, that the devastation expected would be much less in reality, and that my sister and her fiancee will have to stick with their nasty front windows because the bad weather won't be enough to cause them any real damage.

I'll keep you posted as I learn more.

Front Porches

2008-09-11T15:47:00.000-07:00

While I have some gypsy in my blood, and while I love to travel and experience new things and meet new people, even I can begin to crave some roots and a sense of belonging to one place. I have made 4 significant transitions in the past year and while I wouldn't trade any of them, I find myself once again in a place where I am longing to know and be known in a new place, with new people, in a new season.

I am falling more and more in love with my new neighborhood. I love walking around and finding that I discover new things all the time. One thing that I have noticed is that most of the emphasis is on the front yard/the front porch in my neighborhood.

I remember as a young girl going to my great-grandmother's house (which always smelled strongly of pretzels incidentally) and just sitting on the front porch. All the neighbors would be out and conversations would take place across the street. It was community and it was beautiful.

Since then there has been such a shift to privacy and individuality that most of the focus is now on the backyard and the privacy fence and shutting others out so that you can have some peace. And while there clearly needs to be space allowed for alone time, it seems that our sense of community has suffered.

Luckily for me, the houses in my neighborhood were built in the old days and there are people sitting on their front porches every night just chatting with people as they pass by.

I met Cal and Jane and their son Mike last weekend because they were sitting in their front yard. Cal and Jane must be in their 80s and Mike probably in his late 50-60s. I was walking to town to get some dinner and they stopped me to ask how I was doing. The conversation lasted about 5 minutes and then I was on my way. On my way back they stopped me again and 30 min. later I had learned all about how Cal and Jane met, where they grew up, how many kids they had, what they did for a living...that Cal likes to try everything at a restaurant to figure out what he likes best, they asked me if I had a dog, if my boyfriend had a dog, if i saw all the dogs walking around, if maybe I should get a dog since I live alone...they told me about all the nice guys that lived there and relinquished slightly when I told them I had a boyfriend...they invited me to come by any time and sit at their patio table in the front yard and just chat.

It is silly almost how much that conversation lifted my spirits and encouraged my heart. All because of the front porch, the front yard, I was able to connect not just with Cal and Jane, but with a deeper longing of mine to be in community. It was a small taste, and until I meet people around here a little closer to my age:o), it will have to do, but it was community all the same.

Yellow Butterflies

2008-09-02T21:28:00.001-07:00

A few years ago I was in intensive physical therapy as a result of my third car accident in an 8 month time period. Needless to say I became a little gun-shy of cars. While I was the passenger in all three car accidents, I became incredibly fearful of driving or being in a car all together. I went to therapy for a while and was given "tips" on how to cope, most of them included "visualizing" myself arriving safely, which my mind couldn't wrap itself around since three times I hadn't arrived safely. I was a wreck.

In the midst of therapy, I had to drive from Indianapolis to Knoxville, a six hour drive, to make a speaking engagement. It took a lot of prayer and trying to trick my mind to simply get me in the car. It was pretty awful for the first 20-30 min. but then as soon as I got on the interstate, I noticed that there were butterflies in the median of the road. I didn't think much about it at first but every once and awhile I would glance over and the butterflies were still there, yellow butterflies. For the ENTIRE six hour drive, there were yellow butterflies flying alongside my car.

I am not one who goes looking for God in signs or circumstances but there was something about that day, that particular drive, and those butterflies that left nothing to question for me. God showed up in butterflies and there was an unexplainable peace that quieted my soul while I drove.

Since then, butterflies have shown up in very specific and special ways. While I was in Uganda the first time, a friend was praying for me and had this picture of me amongst the people and as I was touching them or speaking to them, butterflies were coming out of me and landing on them. She said that it was a symbol of God's Spirit in me coming out and affecting those around me.

When I was back in Uganda this summer, I entered into an office and there was a huge picture of a very colorful butterfly. It was breathtaking and I wanted it. I got a hold of the artist and was able to have him make me a smaller version that would fit in my suitcase to bring home. The artist showed up with my painting and it differed slightly from the original, this time the color of the butterfly was yellow.

It was God's special gift to me. It's a simple yellow butterfly. A simple painting that now hangs on my living room wall...and yet, it communicates so much more. It shouts of his love for me and whispers of his knowledge of who I am and what I need; that he sees me, that he cares, and for that...I am grateful and I am blessed.

My New Place

2008-09-01T14:42:00.000-07:00

I have been in my new place for a few weeks now, and while there is still more to do, I absolutely LOVE it! I was born and raised in the Midwest and while I never saw myself staying there forever, I am still a bit amazed that this Indiana girl gets to live across the street from the Ocean! Granted I have yet to actually set foot on my beach, but that is another story...

I am including a link to some before and after pictures. I spent a week painting every wall in the apartment a total of 4 different colors. In the process I questioned my sanity a number of times but I really do love that my new place has color (something I had always wanted to add to my home in Indy, but two years later I never got around to it).

I live a few blocks from 2nd Street. An amazing place that has my bank/post office/tons of unique restaurants and fun boutiques. I love the diversity that is there and the fact that I can walk there makes me feel a bit european.

All that to say....I love my new place. I love that I have a place to call my own and love that it truly is a refuge for me after a long day at work.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=150007&l=0525e&id=826780108

Teen Choice Awards 2008

2008-08-18T22:26:00.000-07:00

Yes I got to go and Yes I learned a few very important things about myself and about things in general during this fun-filled evening....

1. I became that girl...I don't know if it was the lights or the fact that Mariah Carey lyp-sang or if it was simply the thousands of tweenies that i was surrounded by...but I got caught up in it all. Camera in hand taking pictures like the Jr High girl at camp who sees a cute boy and snaps the shot from 20 yards away bc she's too scared to actually ask him for a legitimate picture. I screamed like there was no tomorrow and pretending to know the words to 7 Things I Hate About You by the Host, Miley Cyrus.

2. I learned that while I do not get the hysteria that surrounds the Jonas Brothers, I can still appreciate their roots and how, so far anyway, they seem to be pretty grounded and remain connected to family.

3. I can be and actually am a part of Randy Jackson's Dawg Pound. No, really. I told him I was and he said that awesome and he loved it...aka, I am in. I may actually be the Top Dawg.

4. David Beckham travels with a Team, indicating multiple, of bodyguards, who aren't afraid to yell at you if you GINGERLY reach out your hand to touch David LIGHTLY on his arm while he is carrying his son. Beckham didn't feel it, but Rachel, the girl who's family I went with, got quite a scare and we worried she was going to get kicked out for a bit.

5. Jordin Sparks loves Africa and so do I. She pointed to me when I said that I just got back from Africa (said because she was wearing a shirt with Africa on it). I believe this means that we will be collaborating efforts in the near future. Can't Wait!

6. I don't even have to know your name to want to take your picture. I just know that there is a good looking fella that plays the male lead in 27 Dresses and I was inches away from him and I took his picture (again, kind of like a Jr High girl)

7. Will Smith really is a big deal.

8. It really is all about who you know. I was invited by the Davis family (their daughter Rachel was in my small group in Indy, her dad knew the producer aka...amazing seats, 8 rows from the stage, right on the aisle that all the celebrities used to get to and from the stage).

9. If you host the show you win the dance off. Even if you weren't that good.

10. Screaming for 3 hours straight, will cause you to lose your voice.

11. Imagine what I would have been like if a real celebrity would have been there, and by real of course I am referring to Kristi Yamaguchi.

Return to Africa...In Pictures

2008-08-18T21:33:00.001-07:00

Olivia and I in Knoxville before the flight over.

School Children at Pastor Hibasa's Place

My "Room" in William's House; built the entire house primarily on profits made from selling paper necklaces.

My Girl Doreen

So much Wisdom, Depth, Love and Joy in this Smile

My Sweet Mercy

I got Lillian a Bible. She gave me a bracelet and a picture of her. Beautiful girl.

Somehow "Make a crazy face" got lost in translation.

The Team

Walking the Streets of London...just part of the fun during the 35 hour trip home.

Return to Africa

2008-08-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

Okay. Ideally this post would have been up a week ago. However, I've been sick. For those of you who know me well, this should come as no surprise, however, I am actually shocked that I stayed as healthy as I did for as long as I did. Regardless, I was sick in bed for a few days and am back up to about 80% as of now. For a bit there was some worry that it might be malaria (I did get bit, I did forget to take my meds one day, I didn't sleep under a net for 2 days, and I did get sick 9 days from the bite...all pointing to possible malaria) but I think its safe to say that it is just a nasty cold and my body finally shutting down after a crazy summer.

All that to say, I am finally ready to recap my second trip to Uganda. (Pictures to come.)

It is still a bit surreal that I had the opportunity to go back. The flights there were all on time and we arrived in Kampala around 1am on Monday morning ready to get a few hours of sleep before our first church/orphanage visit. I traveled with 12 other individuals, 2 from Romania, and most of the rest from the church I worked at in Knoxville. The purpose of the trip was to see the different efforts that were going on in Kampala and Jinja, and where the church could possibly come alongside and partner. We visited a lot of different projects in the week we were there. I'll save you from all the details and just give you some highlights...

We were in Jinja for 2 nights and it was SO GREAT to reconnect with my friends there. A lot of the mommies at the orphanage didn't know I was coming so when I showed up there was A LOT of screaming, and yelling, and laughing, throwing me in the air and of course tickling. Pure joy. Mercy, who is now almost 3, remembered me and the kids at Welcome Home remembered my name and that I was "Mercy's Mom." So precious, so hard. Mommy Kavina (one of the ladies who sells necklaces) pulled me aside and told me that she had found out since I was gone that she was HIV+, lots of tears and prayers.

I got to surprise Doreen (the teenager who was run over by the rebels 5 years ago). I told her story to over 5,000 teenagers this summer at CIY conferences and was beside myself that I got to see her again. She had written me a letter in April but I never got it so she had been asking her older sister if I had forgotten about her. What joy that I could go to her house and see her sitting there. Such delight on her face. She squealed and laughed as I told her that she was famous in America. She just leaned against me and it was a moment I will never forget. I wanted for time to stop. I wanted to digest it all, take it all in. I knew enough to know that this was much more than a simple visit. My heart connects so deeply with this girl and her story. I was blessed to share time and space with her again.

I got to go to William's house which his family is now living in! It is an unbelievable difference from where they were living the last time I was here. This was made possible mostly from selling paper necklaces. He is an amazing man and has a beautiful family. He showed me "my room" and it was humbling to hear him thank me over and over again for all the assistance we gave him in selling necklaces.

We traveled to a Girls Leadership Academy, part of the Cornerstone Project. It was incredible. 50 girls from all over the country picked from 800 applicants. They come from different tribes and religious backgrounds. They enter into a 2 year intensive schooling/discipleship program that focuses on the practices/precepts/and person of Jesus. They are taught to overcome racial tensions and everything else that would tend to divide and instead are taught to focus on unity. They sang us a BEAUTIFUL song and we got to share a bit with them. They were super excited to hear that I was a pastor and they developed quick crushes on the 3 17 yr. old boys that were in our group. So much life, and energy, fun, and promise in these girls.

We visited the "ghetto" of Kampala and visited with a few programs reaching out to street children. We made house visits in the slums and listened to many presentations from a variety of organizations. The people were amazing, the children were a blast and all in all it was just SO GOOD to be back.

It took some of the team members some time to get adjusted to Africa. Everything was evaluated with a Westerner's view and it was disheartening and a bit discouraging at first. I was reminded about how far I had come since my first visit to Africa 3 years ago. I hated it. I felt dirty and unsafe and physically my body couldn't handle the rough rides on terrible roads. Everything was different and foreign and while I saw all of the need and the poverty, I had no way to engage it so instead of letting myself be broken by the suffering I saw, I became very indignant and frustrated and put off. On our way to the airport in Malawi my family and I were in a terrible car accident and we spent some time in an African Hospital and then were rushed onto the plane...It was awful. I never wanted to go back. How thankful I am that I have and that I now have such a different view of Africa. I have tasted and seen that there is much beauty in that land and in the people.

The difference between the trips for me was that the second time around I was able to engage in the Story of the people and the place. Once I put a face and a name to what was happening it became personal. I became invested. And ultimately I was changed. I think by the end of the week by teammates were beginning to hear stories and see Africa through different eyes.

Side Note: We were traveling with two Ugandan pastors all week who are busy with initiatives and efforts of their own. They went to all of the places with us and shared on the last day that God has used the week in their lives to open their eyes to a greater need than they knew existed. They said it was so easy to worry about their own need, which is great, and forget about those who have less. One of the pastors is going to look into adopting. It was so interesting to me because I thought looking from the outside in that surely all Africans would know and be sensitive to how hard it is for people, how great the need is...this conversation was a reminder of how alike we are and how human nature transcends culture and boundaries. Its so much easier to focus on self and our personal needs than it is to be open to seeing the needs of others.

All in all, it was a great trip. Quick, but so wonderful to have had the opportunity to go back. Thanks for your prayers, encouragement, and support!

I'll work on posting about my amazing night at the Teen Choice Awards, and all the fun surrounding moving into my new apartment on the beach...but that will have to wait, I need to get unpacking!

It's Been A While...

2008-07-31T06:57:00.000-07:00

Okay. I'm a bit embarrassed. By now I am guessing that many of you have given up hope of ever hearing from me again through the blogging world. It has been 2 months and while that is a ridiculous amount of time, I must say that this summer has been crazy and overwhelming and wonderful and has left little time for me to record my thoughts when it has taken all that I had to simply keep one foot in front of the other. As there is much to share I thought I would do some smaller posts and then allow you to read at your leisure...

Since June I have only been in my home state of California for 10 days...I'm not even there now. Currently I am sitting at my parents house in Indiana waiting on the movers to show up (they were supposed to be here between 8-9am and call a half hour before they got here, it is now 10am and they are hoping to be here by 10:30:o) ) to pack up my belongings and move them out to my new apartment in Long Beach, California. Some of you are thinking...what? When did she move to Long Beach? What is going on? I know, right. Ok...let's begin.

June started with an amazing visit from one my best friends in the world. I was her husband's intern at Fellowship Church in Knoxville, TN while I was in college and we have been close ever since. She is the one who I call in the middle of my mini-breakdown moments and the one knows me and encourages me in a way few can. Thanks Diane! She came to Cali with her 3 beautiful girls and we got to spend a magical day together at Disney Land. So great. We even got to squeeze in an extra lunch and an extra breakfast while she was in town. Great Times!

A few days later my very smart and accomplished boyfriend graduated from Fuller with his Masters in Theology and the Arts. It was a very crazy busy wonderful weekend with his family and my parents coming into town to celebrate. It was great to be a part of celebrating such a big accomplishment in his life. I'm a proud girlfriend.

I flew from there back to Indiana to speak at my first of four CIY conferences this summer. The theme this year was MOVE and was all about how God has moved to us and how we are called to MOVE in return. My topic was the Holy Spirit. Simple enough, pretty self-explanatory, no major doctrinal issues to contend with in speaking to many churches from different backgrounds...:o) For those of you who know me at all this won't surprise you, but in the midst of my craziness it wasn't until the plane ride over that I finally felt as though I had some direction as to what the message was that I was supposed to be sharing. Things went well and it was great to be back with the CIY community again. I am so blessed and encouraged by them. It was a good night. Funny conversation with an older male youth leader later in the evening: "guy: I have to be honest with you, you did a great job...but, when you first came out on that stage, I thought, what is she doing here? What does she have to say that is going to matter? I totally judged you. But then you walked off the stage and I thought...wow, that was good. So thank you for sharing tonight." me: "Um, thank you, You're welcome?." Oh, the church:o)

After that I had a few days in Indiana to reconnect with old friends. The highlight being the 7F reunion at my friend Mindy's. 6 of the original 7fer's were able to make it coming from Boston, California, China, Ohio, Tennessee and Indy. These are my best friends from college and it had been 2 years since we had all been together. Such a refreshing few days surrounded by women who affirm me and encourage me. A group where everyone just is and doesn't have to pretend to be someone else because we all already know each others quirks and personalities. We laughed a lot and it was such a blessing to be with them all again.

I flew from Indy to Michigan for CIY #2. My Aunt Sue was able to pick me up from the airport and we were able to spend the day together. She is my mom's sister and it was great to reconnect with her. With my schedule it has been hard to be a part of extended family get-togethers so this was a treat. The French's (from CIY) were there this week and it was great to see them again. Truly one of my favorite families, all-time.

After Michigan I managed a quick visit to my Grandma's to celebrate her birthday. I hadn't seen her since my brother's wedding last December. She didn't know I was coming so it was a fun surprise. Happy Birthday Grandma!

I flew back from Indy to celebrate my boyfriend's birthday in style, complete with churros and a new lanyard waiting to collect disney pins:o) Yes, in case you were wondering, we are that cool!

From there I was gone again for a week at Point Loma University in San Diego for HS camp with my new students! Yes, it is official, I have been hired at Parkcrest Christian Church to be their HS pastor and to oversee the Jr High and College age programs. I am looking forward to officially starting this job on August 10th. It is located in Long Beach, hence the new apartment and move there. The kids were awesome and I even collected a few friendship bracelets during the week so I am so in! All I can say is that week of camp was simply a reminder to me that this truly is my heart's passion and what I was created to do. I love it. I am excited for the new responsibilities and new opportunities. To be honest I fluctuate from being incredibly excited to being a bit overwhelmed with how much there is to do, but mostly, just ready to get started.

After camp I had a relaxing weekend in San Diego with J.J. and friends. I rested, watched lots of movies, and ate lots of amazing food. The Congdons were amazing hosts and it truly was a weekend of refreshment which was much needed.

I flew to PA on the 7th of July to speak at CIY #3. Long delays in the airport meant 20 hours of travel time for less than 20 hours of actually being in PA. It was a great day with lots of good hard conversations with students and friends. This was probably my favorite speaking time of the summer. The group that was there was very energizing and it was a good time.

I flew home to get ready to head to Arizona for a wedding with J.J. It was great to have a few days to see his world out there and to meet some of his friends. It was HOT. So grateful that I don't have to live there. So hoping that I am never called there. I honestly think that at one point my contacts became very close to searing my eye balls. J.J. surprised me with an hour long spa pedicure and an hour long massage to celebrate our one year. I was blown away and continue to be so blessed by him.

From there I got ready to speak at my final CIY at Biola University in L.A. It was a great night filled with friends and the French's again. It's weird to think that it will probably be another year before I see all of the CIY folk again.

I had 2 days before heading back to Uganda, Africa and instead of resting I decided to get an apartment lined up for when I got back. It happened rather quickly but I think that I am going to enjoy my new place. It is a one bedroom, approx. 600 sq feet and that may be my being generous. It costs $300 more/month than my 3 bedroom house in Indiana BUT it is right across the street from the beach! I can open my front door and see the ocean. And knowing myself, if I didn't live right there, I probably would never set foot on the beach, so this will hopefully fix that. It is a cute place within walking distance of my bank, a grocery store, and lots of fun shops/restaurants/delis...It will be open for visitors very soon and you are all welcome although you may have to take turns and come in one at a time...it is really that small:o)

Okay...the movers are here now so I should go supervise. I will allow for my return trip to Uganda to be separate blog post all together. Thanks for reading about the craziness that has been my life and I hope to do better at keeping you all informed from now on....

Hallucinations

2008-06-02T16:59:00.000-07:00

One week from today and I will work my last shift at Anthropologie. Many of you may be thinking...didn't she just start that job? Answer: yes. And after 5 weeks I will be done and by the looks of things I can't get out soon enough.

For the past few nights I have been waking up in the middle of the night with very vivid hallucinations. The last time this happened was when I was in Uganda and taking malaria meds. A few times I convinced myself that the babies from the orphanage were in my room and climbing in my closet and I literally got up, out from under the mesquito net, to get them down safely. Another time I believed that there were baby frogs in my bed (believe me, no reason for this, i truly have no idea where that came from.)

So this week during the past few nights I have woken up from my sleep convinced that there was a huge pile of go-backs (clothes tried on in the fitting room that need to be put back on the floor) on my bed and it was my responsibility to put them back. I try to go back to bed but then convince myself that I am sleeping on the job and let's face it, you can't be employee of the day and do that! so I wake back up and even turn the light on and it is only at that point that I realize that it is 3am, I am in my room, and there are no clothes on my bed waiting to be put away.

For the sake of a good night's sleep, I need to be done at Anthro. Other things are in the works, I'll keep you updated as things become official. Until then, I will hopefully manage to get some adequate sleep this week.

I Just Remembered...

2008-05-21T23:02:00.000-07:00

I was surrounded by some of my favorite people tonight. Wednesday nights means small group with 6 other girls who are trying to love God and love others and enjoy life in the process...it has been 3 weeks since I have been able to go and I was so excited to be back with them all tonight. We are a funny group. 4 married, 3 single...all working, some multiple jobs, all very very funny in our own unique and special ways. The evenings together never disappoint and the gem from this evening came from a story Stine shared...

Stine teaches 3rd graders, but only for 20 more days (much to her delight). They were testing today and out of nowhere one of the girls said, "I just remembered...I love today!" Her reason being that she got to spend the night at her grandparents tonight and she hasn't been able to do that for awhile. I love that...she's just going along, doing her tasks for the day and out of the blue something reminded her that today was special, that it was unique, that this day was meant to be loved.

I want to have more of those moments. More of the moments in the midst of the mundane, the changing of dirty diapers, or the folding and refolding of the linens that have exploded in the sale room, more of the moments in the midst of crazy and stress and deadlines and decisions and disappointments...more of the moments that remind me that there is reason to love this day.

My reason today...I got to spend the evening surrounded by 5 beautiful women who show me more and more of who Christ is and challenge me to be more of who I have been created to be. I was surrounded by genuine friendship and love and care tonight.

I just remembered...I love today!

The Crazy Continues

2008-05-16T10:38:00.000-07:00

I have been working close to 30 hrs/wk at Anthropologie while still nannying 3 days/week. My old roommate from Indy has been here for the week so in between shifts I have been trying to show her around and make up for the time that I have to work. My feet hurt. I'm tired.

I don't remember being this tired for a long time. I have worked longer days and for longer amounts of time, and yet I'm realizing that there is a different kind of tired that comes from exhausting yourself doing what you love and exhausting yourself to pay the bills. I'm so grateful that for me, this kind of tired is only temporary, that hopefully SOON (I have my third interview at Parkcrest this Sunday) I will be exhausting myself in an entirely different way.

I have enjoyed working at Anthropologie, and apparently it shows (I was employee of the weekend over Mother's Day!). The people I work with are great and the atmosphere is a lot of fun, but when my shift is over I feel like I can hardly move and want to chop off my feet.

I have had long days in ministry. Weeks even. I have come home and collapsed in tears on my couch, simply overcome with emotion, I have held hands with scared parents and ate too many slices of pizza to count. I have been sleep deprived and worked hard enough to make myself sick on a number of occasions, and yet it is different. There is something rewarding and worth it to spend 45 min at the top of a zipline with a 7th grade girl who is afraid of heights and certain that she can't do, its worth it to wait until she is ready and ride down with her and be there to celebrate her major accomplishment at the bottom. There is even something rewarding about having a girl throw up all over you and your bed in the middle of the night because she doesn't know where she is. Its exhausting, but in the same breath it is energizing.

People have asked and I have wondered if my going to Africa meant that I would be done with youth ministry, that maybe the Lord had something else in mind. But after this brief hiatus from ministry, I realize all the more how much I want to exhaust myself working with students again. I love it. It makes me tick.

So I will continue to exhaust myself to pay the bills in order to get myself into a position to exhaust myself doing something I was made to do, something I am incredibly passionate about. So, let the crazy continue...for a little while longer anyway.

Deep Breath

2008-05-02T08:58:00.000-07:00

This has been a very crazy, very intense week. A few pictures and a few words will have to suffice until I get some breathing room. Really and truly they are all great incredible things, just a lot at one time...

My house has finally sold. I'm sure by now everyone is aware of what a terrible time it is to try and sell a home. But I didn't have a choice in keeping it longer so it needed to sell. It sat on the market just under 3 months and while the traffic my house received was more than all of my agent's other listings combined, no offers were coming. I received 2 offers at the beginning of this week and have been countering til last night. Making calls and sending emails during my work breaks and sending faxes at midnight...BUT baring no major problems with inspections this next week, this beautiful house that served me well for 2 years will no long be mine and I couldn't be happier!!!

I had my first day at Anthropologie. I tried to look trendy and cute and reflect the current trends of Anthro, this is probably closest to reflecting Olivia, our concept reflected in the Right of the Store (more on this later) It was from 3:30-10 and a lot of learning more about how great Anthropologie truly is. I learned to fold with a board, edge pants and shirts, and the proper placement of a hangar. They want to talk to me about being restock associate, which is apparently a position reserved for the brightest of individuals since you are in charge of restocking the needed sizes, a job I could potentially handle but most of the shifts start at 6am and any of you who know me well at all, knows that is potentially a very big issue. I have a restock shift a week from today, I'll keep you posted.

My friend Ashley who was at the same guest house in Jinja, Uganda with me has been in town this week visiting and looking at potential places to live when she moves here in the Fall. It is fun to be American friends and not just friends in Africa. We spent the day together Monday and went to the Flower Fields in Carlsbad. I've heard that you can see them from Space. That seems like a bit of a stretch, however it was incredibly beautiful to be surrounded by a zillion roses (yes I counted) and flowers of all types. It was a great day!

In other news: I had my second phone interview with the church in Long Beach and am getting more and more excited about the possibility. I talked with 4 of their pastors and at the end was told that I answered the questions wonderfully and presented myself well and get this, I talked with a smile:o)...So, things are looking good. The next step in the hiring process is for me to go there May 18th and spend the morning with them and go out for lunch with the student ministries staff. I'm looking forward to it.

Things are falling into place. There is plenty more crazy to come but with the house gone and real potential for a job that I can truly be passionate about, I feel more and more like myself again and finding it easier and easier to take a nice deep breath.

I Did It!

2008-04-24T20:23:00.000-07:00

I worked that Africa Card hard and managed to land myself a job at the incredible, wonderful establishment that is Anthropologie. I went back this afternoon for my second interview and Natalie wanted to know about myself. I gave her the song and dance about my life and snuck in the juicy morsel of my having lived in Uganda. She grabbed a hold of it...15 min later we are still talking Africa, then availability, then if you can live in Africa you can sell clothes, then a handshake and we will call you. I get home and my girl Catherine calls me offering me the position because they think I'm great. Yeah me!

I start a week from today. May 1st. Which is turning out to be a big day. I will have my second phone interview with a church that is looking for a HS pastor in the morning and then work at Anthropologie from 3:30-10pm. I will still be nannying 3 days/week and it looks I will be scheduled for 7 1/2 hour shifts the remaining four days a week at the store. Life will be hectic and crazy and a bit insane for awhile, but only awhile, and then hopefully, sooner than later, this season will be over and I will be back doing what I love and am passionate about.

Until then...I will suggest to my customers to buy a size smaller in Jo Jeans because they tend to stretch out, if the sensor goes off as they are exiting the store I will kindly say "You just weren't ready to leave us yet, were you?", and I will be diligent in cracking down on thievery all while looking fashionable and helping our Unique/Risk-Taking/Confident customers find the perfect fit, the perfect scent, or the perfect bedspread (yeah, apparently we sell those as well, I have soo much to learn!).

Moral of the Story: If you want a job in Retail...go to Africa.

Update on Job Search

2008-04-22T20:40:00.000-07:00

Okay. This has the potential of being a big week. Regardless it will be a good week, already being full of fun surprises and great time with people.

But the potential comes with a phone interview tomorrow morning with a church in Long Beach looking for a HS Director. I'm looking forward to talking more with them and hearing more about what they are looking for.

Regardless, church jobs take a while to hire, and they should, so Anthropologie is still my hope for getting me through the meantime. My second interview is scheduled for Thursday at 2pm (Apparently I charmed my way into another interview with all of my incredible answers, or maybe just because I have worked with orphans, who knows?). The only thing that is worrying me right now (aside from still never shopping there or knowing firmly their vision:o) ) is that my availability this summer is a bit scarce with speaking engagements and going to Africa...so, who knows, maybe I will try to work there full-time 'til a ministry position opens up and forego the nanny gig for now, if it means that I can have a job there...we shall see. And I'll update when I know more.

Fun Night

2008-04-21T21:40:00.000-07:00

I am on a list at my church which says that I would be happy to provide childcare services when needed for church events...and with all of my nannying experience, why wouldn't I be?!?!

Tonight was Newcomer's Night and myself and another girl had the pleasure of watching 9 kids from age 1 to age 7. Some of the highlights included: playing air hockey on a broken air hockey table, holding Kadden all night because he wanted his mommy, trying to keep the kids entertained while the movie Happy Feet was skipping (what did I do you ask? Well I had them all pretend to dance like the penguins, of course! Hilarious.), chasing the kids around the room, Marin coloring an amazing likeness of me and then writing out my name, and Chloe scooting her chair as close to me as possible.

My favorite moment was when we put in the "Jesus" movie of the evening entitled A King is Born. We asked who the King was and 7yr old Callen said: JESUS! I LOVE JESUS! He turned to me with the biggest smile and said: JESUS IS A HERO! The other adult said that she loved Jesus to and that wasn't it great that He made all of us...Callen: No He didn't. God made us....(I decided to wait until next time to explain the doctrine of the trinity).

Well, there you have it. Jesus is a hero. All kids were returned safely to their parents and I was reminded once again how much I love kids!

THE GRAY

2008-04-20T22:55:00.000-07:00

The young adults group meets Thursday nights at my church. Once a month we have a discussion based on the book They Like Jesus But Not the Church (highly recommend it!). This past Thursday was a discussion on the outside world viewing the church as homophobic.

Now, before I get into the discussion, a little bit about where I am coming from. In my 12 years of knowing Christ I have become more and more comfortable in living in the gray. In the beginning my beliefs were met with hostility and judgment and I needed to know what I believed and why and I had to defend it. I needed black and whites. Now, I embrace the tension that comes with the gray. I love the freedom that comes with saying I’m not sure, let’s press in and figure this out together. Gray scares people because it can be messy. Gray doesn’t acknowledge that there is a box to fit into. Gray is often times awkward and uncomfortable, but gray is needed.

There was a lot of black and white talk that night. A lot of hurtful things being said and I wanted to crawl under the table, I wanted to get out of there and weep. The discussion became more and more about whether it was wrong or right, about not being friends with THOSE PEOPLE because bad company corrupts good morals, about not wanting to catch “gayness” as though it were a disease. God hating and drawing lines and I was sick to my stomach. The night was not about whether its wrong or right, it wasn’t about figuring out if you are born that way or not, it was to deal with the fact that the church is viewed this way and people are staying away from the church for this reason, so what do we do about it? How do we change that perception without compromising? That’s the discussion we were supposed to be having.

I stayed silent as long as I could and then I raised my hand and calmly reminded everyone what the purpose of discussing this issue was and then shared about a homosexual film star who was sent hate mail for playing a part in a Christian movie. The “church” informed him that he was detestable to God and had no right being in the movie. The filmmakers encouraged him to stay, saying that they didn’t believe that and wanted him in the movie. He stayed. The critical part was that he was in the process of making his own documentary, one that pinned Christians as being homophobic and closed-minded and after his experience he decided that that wasn’t completely true. That most Christians are doing what they are doing out of love and just sometimes it gets confused. The movie was changed and in the end a gay man tells another gay man: “May God be with You”, and he replies, “He always has been.” The audience, primarily made up of homosexuals, was brought to tears, many saying that this was the first time they had ever heard that God could love them.

The conversation went back to whether God hated adultery and is that in the same category and how Jesus talked to the whore and how the whore was the first one to the tomb…and interrupting, almost coming out of my seat, I said that Jesus didn’t see a whore! He saw his daughter. He saw someone reflecting His image and He LOVED her. He doesn’t see the homosexual, He sees His son, His daughter and HE LOVES…why are we attempting to do anything different? Why do we say concerning other sins, come to Jesus as you are but with Homosexuality we say you have to get rid of that sin, clean your life up and then come before you can be loved.

Keegan spoke next. She was a guest that night, a visitor. She had been hurt by the church before and isn’t a Christian. She wasn’t going to say anything but admitted that sitting there and listening to what everyone was saying was making her more and more frustrated and angry. She said she understood what I was saying, that she could relate to that and she thanked me, but to everything else she was just mad. She wanted to know why we were trying to figure Them out, because they aren’t trying to figure you all out. She shut us up. She affirmed to us that the very stereotype that we were attempting to discuss getting rid of was in fact being reinforced in that room.

I literally became ill in my stomach. I am a believer and I was disgusted by many comments that came out of other well-intentioned believers. I saw and heard truth but there was no love. I heard opinions but there were no connections to real people, real stories, real life.

I think it is important to know what you believe and why. I believe there is truth worth holding on to but the issue this night was about the church being homophobic and that was the one thing we all agreed on, it is. I don’t think Jesus wants this label on His Bride. I think He wants us to love our way out of that label. I think we can. But its going to messy and we are probably going to have to enter into the land of the gray and admit that we know less than we think we do and be willing to engage, to discuss, to let go of having to be right and instead decide to LOVE, to simply LOVE and let God be God.

I’m sorry Keegan. Unfortunately this won’t be the last time that you see us fumble around for the right words and come up lacking. It won’t be the last time that we offend or screw up. But I hope that you will see that we are trying, desperately trying to be a people who are committed to loving as we attempt to form and shape our beliefs. I hope you see us as a people who learn to embrace the gray, stay in the gray, wrestle with the gray and Love in the midst of it, because of it, in spite of it. Because that’s what Jesus did and although we may get it wrong a lot, we really are trying to follow His example.

2008-04-17T17:25:00.000-07:00

I get Luci ready to lay down for a nap, change into my hip/trendy outfit, and head off to go and interview at Anthropologie. A few things to note: I have never been shopping at the store, I know the general vicinity but not the actual location, and the last time I worked in retail was in high school for 3 months (I began my career by throwing up and passing out at the same time behind the register, classy I know…and ended it by throwing my back out during a dance audition…lets hope history doesn’t repeat itself!).

I show up a few minutes before 2pm for the open interview so that I can get an application and begin filling it out. There is another girl already there holding a portfolio, and I have a sinking feeling that this might not be as easy as I thought (I mean its retail, right?). Apparently open interviews means a group interview with 5 other people, who knew? As I am seriously beginning to wonder if I am ever going to be able to find a part-time job, Catherine is there to conduct the interview. I’ve only met her once, she goes to my church, but she remembered me and gave me a hug, things begin to look a little better.

First Question: What is something interesting about you and why do you want to work at Anthropologie?
This is where the others begin to share about how Anthropologie feels like home and how they are lifelong shoppers and know everything there is to know about retail because they have been doing it for 10 years…YIKES! My answer: I just moved here, I lived in Uganda and worked with orphans (Yep, I went there, I HAD TO!) and I really just need another job and my FRIEND KELLY WORKS HERE (its all about who you know!)

Second Question: Being familiar with the store (excuse me, some of us are walking in for the first time!) what would you say are the values of Anthro and what is our purpose?
Again, the Anthropologie groupies that I was surrounded by began sharing that being at Anthropologie is a shopping experience, you feel as though you are in somebody’s home, welcoming, very detail oriented (down to what scent the candle is in the dressing room), a feast for all of your senses…
I’m thinking: Crap! You guys sell candles? Quick make something up…I pulled something out about high quality and being able to have a boutique feel which separates them from other retail stores. Catherine was gracious and picked up on the fact that I mentioned both boutique and quality. Apparently I’m a quick thinker.

Third Question: What are your strengths?
Easy. I’m flexible, a leader, and a people person. Catherine (my new favorite) was so glad that I said flexible because that is what they are looking for in their employees…the others copied and threw in flexible to their answers, oh well, I said it first.

Finally: How would you describe our customer?
Quick reminder: Never shopped here. Never been in this store. My eyes are quickly scanning the store looking the ladies up and down. Answer: I would describe her as unique. Someone who wants to stand out in a crowd because she is confident in who she is. She allows her clothes to compliment her and make a statement that she is a risk taker and she is strong. Again Catherine liked that I pulled out the word unique ( LOVE HER!)…and by this point, I’ll be honest, I want to be that shopper! I want to shop at Anthropologie!

So, things went as well as they could. I had to come home and take a survey (I was a little nervous that it would be all about their product so I quickly went through their online store). Luckily it was all about whether or not I thought stealing $5 from the company still made that person a thief (I said yes.) And whether it was okay to come to work high if you were able to perform your duties satisfactorily. (I said yes…JUST KIDDING, that was a no). I think I passed.

Now I wait. Which is becoming a common theme running through my life as of late. I will hopefully find out if I get a second interview next week and if I get hired I will begin work at a New Hire Training the first of May. So, here’s hoping that I charmed my way into making myself appear believable even though I didn’t have a clue what I was talking about. The thing is that I am not passionate about retail…BUT I will make a good employee and I DO need another job right now and if I get hired…I WILL be passionate about doing a good job and will commit to learning all of the wonders that Anthropologie has to offer to their unique clientele.

Anthropologie Here I Come

2008-04-17T08:40:00.001-07:00

I need a job.
I moved to San Diego with the intent of being a live-in nanny and for the most part it has worked out wonderfully. However, during recent scheduling changes, my job went from a 5 day to a 4 day to now a 3 day a week commitment.
For those of you who know me, I don’t do particularly well doing nothing. A laid back schedule has been welcomed as I have adjusted to life on the West Coast but I have begun to get a little stir crazy as of late and do not view this new work schedule as an “extended weekend.”
I have tried to get a job at a restaurant but no luck there. I have sent my resume to local churches in the area hoping to get back into doing what I love and am most passionate about (student ministry), but those of you familiar with churches know that it takes a while for new hires to happen…I get it. You should have a more extensive process for someone to work full-time shaping students lives than you do for someone to flip burgers. The problem is that time seems to be against me.
My house has yet to sell back in Indy. Again, just a matter of time, but as I wait the debt gets larger and exponentially now my income gets smaller.
So, today during nap time I will be going to open interviews at Anthropologie. I’ve never even been inside one of their stores but they sell clothes and housewares and it looks neat from the outside. And they are hiring. I am going to do my hair, put on some make-up and dress to impress in hopes of convincing them that I would make a fine employee and that there is nothing I would rather do than fold clothes and stack items of shelves for hours on end. Wish me luck.
I need a job.